@stephanne221: Why do we argue so much? How is it possible that we can go from planning a grocery store trip to now we’re not talking? The truth is, feeling disconnected in our relationship can happen lightning fast, which can make it really hard to stop once it begins. This is probably why the first thought couples often tell me they have once conflict starts is, “oh no, here we go again.” Because when our focus shifts from, “how do we connect?” To, “how do I not lose them?” you unknowingly start reaching for protection and not for connection. And it’s not because you suddenly stopped caring about your person, but because fear doesn’t just change you presently feel, it changes where you’re reaching from. One partner starts reaching from a place of not feeling good enough, and so they try harder engage and fix. The other parter starts reaching from a place of “I’m failing here,” and begins looking for exits. The singular goal of connection then gets divided into two opposing outcomes. Now we’re no longer on the same team, and it’s you vs me. With an unfinished grocery list and some tears to boot. The good news is this process can be healed. And you’re likely already building the skills to address this! Just by slowing down and checking in with yourself by asking, “am I trying to connect, or am I trying to protect?” Is helping you build the neural circuits necessary to override that fear. And if you want more support deconstructing this process, this is exactly what we do inside The Attachment Academy. Check my bio for more details. #relationshipadvice #relationshipconflict #communicationinrelationships #attachmentstyle #emotionalintelligence

Steph | Attachment Specialist

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Monday 13 April 2026 22:09:55 GMT