hasinii :
you won’t ever read this, but i still love you. i know we didn’t work and we probably won’t ever but there’s still this well of love that’s labeled just for you and i don’t know what to do with it. i can’t give it to anyone else without getting funny looks or hesitance i know you’d never have. and it’s also so wrong, this love is made for you. i know i should hate you, but there’s this love that’s right there next to it drowning it out. and im letting it. cause, as cliche as it is, the world has never needed more hate but always love. i now know i can’t love and will you to happiness but if it was even just be a warm glow bathing your life, id be happy. through it all, there were glimpses that were so beautiful. late car ride kisses or watching your chest rise and fall when you’re asleep or seeing you smile at a joke even if it wasn’t mine. i know we’ve been saying it was 2.5 years but really, it was more like 4. cause we aren’t friends anymore either. and i miss that more than i thought i would. admittedly, the day i met you, i knew i loved you. our whole friendship, i had the biggest crush and that january is when i knew i was in love. i don’t trust anyone else with my blurted out musings even if you didn’t say anything back cause you didn’t have to. i keep waiting for you to text but i know you won’t, i know ill always be ahead of you, but i know that you’d always pick up. so. i’ve been hoping that maybe we can restart, go back to introductions and favorite colors and we can rewrite the ending this time. it’s wishful thinking but we know that’s always been my strong suit. i want to be able to witness your life again, even if im not in it this time. maybe that’s how we’re meant to exist. don’t get me wrong, i’m still hurt that you couldn’t love me and i still can’t fathom watching you love her but i want to be able to. i don’t know. i don’t know when that’ll be but this is me saying one day. one day i’ll call and you’ll answer. one day.
2026-06-09 04:25:07