Nik :
Whoever just wants to read it: I wish I knew how to love someone without slowly ruining everything because every relationship in my life seems to end the same way not because I didn't care, but because I cared in a way that starts feeling heavy after a while. It's like the more I love someone the more my mind starts needing proof that they still want me, proof that I'm not about to be replaced.proof that I'm not slowly becoming someone they tolerate, instead of osmeone they choose. and I try so hard to hide that part of me, I really do because I know nobody wants to feel watched or tested, or like they're responsible for calming someone else's fears. but the truth is, when I get attached it's like my brain stops trusting anything. unless it's constantly reassured. and the smallest change in their tone or attention, can send my mind into this quiet panic. That I pretend isn't happening, and its f@ck*ng exhausting. living inside a head that keeps questioning love, even when nothing is wrong. And I hate admitting this because it makes me sound like too much, like someone who ruins good things. but the more scared I become of losing someone, the tighter I start holding on. And the sad part is I can literally feel when it starts pushing them away. I can see it happening in slow motion. The distance. The patience. Fading. the way they slowly stop showing up the same way they used to, and I always end up sitting there realizing the same painful thing again. but I didn't lose them because I didn't love enough. I lose them because the way I love. slowly turns into something people feel the need to escape from. All I ever wanted was to love someone, without feeling like my love itself is the problem.
2026-04-19 01:42:41