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It honestly feels unfair, ikaw yung unang dumating e. Hindi kita inexpect, ikaw yung pumasok sa buhay ko, ikaw yung nag initiate, ikaw yung nagparamdam na meron, na may aasahan ako. You made it feel real, I believed it was real. I wasn't even searching for you, but somehow, nasanay ako sayo kahit sa maikling panahon na 'yon. Akala ko iba na yung ngayon e, wala pa lang pinagkaiba. Hindi ko man lang nasabi yung side ko, o hindi mo talaga ginusto? I just know that its easy for you to let me, us go, na parang wala lang sayo lahat ng 'yon. Para saan ba yon? For u to clarify na hindi mo naman pala ako kailangan? I understand your paragraphs very well, pero bakit hindi mo naisip yan bago ka pumasok ulit sa buhay ko. Ang hirap intindihin nung part na yon eh, did I helped you realize na kaya mo pa lang mag isa? For that reason, I chose to believe that nothing was serious, lol I hate making things up but the fact that signs was loud, I already know where to put myself. Realization hits me too late, all I can do is yearn in silence, keep us, not in the loud way, but in the way a woman stays when it would've been easier to leave. I fought for us quietly, with patience I didn't know i had. I bent parts of myself just to make space for you, and i never once thought of it as a loss. Loving you again didn't save us. All that wanting, choosing, still wasn't enough to change the ending. I didn't even care that we want different things at different depths. Part of me refuses to let it be small, you mattered to me, I hate how it easy looks on the outside. It lived in me, I learned from u. But i don't blame myself the way I used to. I showed up, I stayed honest, I kept u in the only way I knew how, even when it scared me. If that wasn't enough, or I, then maybe it was the things no amount of fighting could fix. If it wasn't really supposed to be me, I guess that's not my fault and I cant control such thing. I'll miss you without chasing you, and the yearning will soften into something quieter.
2026-04-19 19:40:07