David Haye’s “ugly duckling syndrome” has had a lot of airtime this week. Here’s why it’s worth talking about seriously before it gets waved away as banter. The idea that unattractive women develop better personalities to compensate isn’t a compliment. It’s a belief system that reduces every woman to a single axis, and tells her that her value, whether pretty or plain, runs through male approval. It’s the same shame we’ve been packaging differently for generations: beauty or brains, soft or smart, feminine or taken seriously. This is exactly what my book BIMBO explores - not just the language and labels we use on women and girls but also the impact it has on our self esteem and confidence. The idea that we can be pretty and plain or ugly and interesting also feels like men don’t want us to realise our power. We always have to feel insecure or shrink ourselves. It’s the same old dichotomy dressed up as a compliment: beauty or brains, Madonna whore , decorative or useful. And when we say we don’t accept these rules anymore we’re always told to lighten up and Not to be so sensitive. Which is exactly how these sexist ideas stay in circulation long enough to become the invisible architecture of how girls grow up thinking about themselves and each other. what makes me sad is knowing boys will hear language like this and repeat it. That’s how it continues. Which is why we have to keep calling it out. ❤️ This is exactly what BIMBO explores - not just the labels we use on women and girls, but what they actually do to our confidence and sense of self. Because even when it sounds like a compliment, it’s still about keeping us in a box. Pretty or plain. Ugly or interesting. Decorative or useful. Madonna or whore. There’s always a trade-off. And it keeps women slightly insecure, slightly second-guessing, slightly smaller than we could be. And when we say we don’t accept these rules anymore, we’re told to lighten up. Not to be so sensitive. Which is exactly how these ideas stick around long enough to become invisible - shaping how girls grow up seeing themselves and each other. I want my daughter to know that she can be beauty and brains. She can embrace feminity AND be taken seriously - because people who don’t respect women just hate women and that is not her problem. don’t have to choose. You don’t have to shrink. She can be engaged in politics and fashion. Be whimsical and academic! And most importantly I want her and other women to know that she does not exist for male approval and validation! David Haye’s “ugly duckling syndrome” has had a lot of airtime this week. Here’s why it’s worth talking about seriously before it gets waved away as banter. The idea that “unattractive” women develop better personalities to compensate isn’t a compliment. It’s a belief system that reduces every woman to a single axis, where her value - whether pretty or plain - still runs through male approval. It’s the same shame we’ve been packaging differently for generations: beauty or brains, soft or smart, feminine or taken seriously. This is exactly what my book BIMBO explores - not just the language and labels we use on women and girls, but the impact they have on our confidence and sense of self. The idea that we can be pretty or plain, ugly or interesting, also feels like a way of stopping women from realising our power. We’re always supposed to feel a little bit insecure. A little bit not enough. The same old dichotomy dressed up as a compliment: beauty or brains, Madonna or whore, decorative or useful. Also - calling women “birds” or “ugly birds” might sound throwaway, but it’s another way of reducing us to something less than human. Something to be looked at, categorised, judged. And when we say we don’t accept these rules anymore, we’re told to lighten up. Not to be so sensitive. Which is exactly how these ideas stay in circulation long enough to become the invisible architecture of how girls grow up thinking about themselves and each other. #fyp #davidhaye - @ashleyjames