austin. :
It’s a strange thing, wanting to be loved when you don’t even feel like you know how to reach people. Like the feeling is there all the time, sitting somewhere in your chest, but when it comes to actually talking, it just… stops.
High school makes it more obvious. Everyone’s always around someone walking together, laughing like it’s easy. And you’re there too, just a little outside of it. Close enough to see how it works, but not close enough to be part of it.
Conversations feel like something you have to get right. Every word matters too much. You think about what to say, how to say it, if it’ll sound weird, if it’ll make things awkward. And by the time you decide, the moment’s gone. So you stay quiet, even when you don’t want to be.
And that’s where the loneliness comes from. Not from being completely alone, but from not being able to connect the way you want to. From wanting something real someone to understand you, to choose you but feeling like you don’t know how to let that happen.
It makes you question things you can’t really answer. Why it feels easier for everyone else. Why something so simple feels so far away. There’s no clear reason, just this constant feeling that you’re missing something important.
But the feeling doesn’t go away. The want to be loved, to be known it stays. Even if you don’t know how to say it out loud. Even if the words never come the way you want them to..
2026-05-12 03:27:46