katymahoney3 :
I can be calm as a cucumber, while expressing my feelings and everyone around me becomes completely dysregulated, its like they are all using my nervous system to keep them as regulated as they can, so if I try to express my feelings even with all I statements via compassionate action, and validating where they come from as well, it doesn't matter, they (my aunts i live with, bc im the main caretaker of my grandmother, also scapegoat that's very intelligent and done a TON of work on myself) loose it on me, while I remain calm... i know I matter, and I am sophisticated about it, but bc im the designated scapegoat against my will, im not seen as being entitled to any autonomy bc they own me for their own use... im also audhd, cptsd, etc but I have experienced a sliver of my sense of self/autonomy, but even my therapist is suggesting im paranoid while reading my grandmothers will which is wicked suspicious, and looks like my aunts will have me under their thumb financially... but ive done so much work that I don't react anymore, I seeking clarity and understanding until I find authentic truth i.e uncovering the narrative in the will, to prove that they are trying to groom me into submission and amnesia again which almost happened again right after me getting out of an abusive relationship that I had no idea how abusive it actually was
2026-04-24 13:04:20