The Pottymouth Guru
Region: CA
Tuesday 21 April 2026 18:50:20 GMT
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✨Maria✨ :
I think people are missing is that this isn’t just for romantic relationships.
2026-04-27 13:40:55
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miserytoenlightenment :
Any tips how to regulate when you are diagnosed adhd & autistic? There’s not any content on regulating with dual dignosis. I try to regulate as much as I can but I know it’s much harder for me than others and don’t know if I’m doing a good job when actually getting myself fully regulated does not happen as much as I feel like I should. Or it could be good for someone like me. I have no idea. I just know I’ve been very dis regulated with my dismissive avoidant partner with a major shame wound that he’s just starting to barely see at 1 year with him. It’s been rough, he full shuts down. But it’s a tiny bit better than from the start. He actually stays in the room now and can sit with the discomfort to a certain extent.
2026-05-06 13:15:12
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The Pottymouth Guru :
Are you more: A) I handle everything myself B) I end up carrying both of us Comment A or B 👇
2026-04-21 19:01:45
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.4LPH40M3G4 :
So you can learn to regulate your nervous system alone, the next step is to learn to regulate while being triggered by someone else (exposure therapy), then learning that it doesn’t matter how much you regulate, if the other person can’t do the same, then you end up regulating ‘both’ of you, then you learn when you can regulate, the other person can regulate and both of you can ‘equally’ co-regulate together…you can help someone regulate but if they can’t regulate themselves at a certain level, there’s an unconscious expectation on you to regulate you both and it becomes ‘co-dependent’…it’s draining and the moment I can’t regulate them, I become dysregulated and I get blamed for it in the end so if ai can see someone struggles with regulation, I won’t even try to continue with the relationship…in saying that people who can regulate themselves but struggles with communication are also out…if they’re having trouble regulating I’m happy to help but also if I’m having trouble myself and someone is happy to help me too…that’s a relationship in my eyes
2026-04-22 02:39:12
2
Kay The Manager 🫶🏾 :
This is precisely why I said that holding space for the persons reaction to the harm you caused + understanding them, leading with the impact first/only, only works if the person is receptive to co regulating OR at best, clearly communicated the problem + communicated that they’d prefer to regulate themselves about it alone. I’ll give an example: on the same week as a hectic deadline on my side, it was my ex’s birthday. I’m huge on birthdays if you know me- birthdays are a big deal to me. Context: I’m financially strained at the time (still am) but that doesn’t mean I can’t make a plan, so I planned something cool that we’d do after her actual birthday being that her birthday fell on a Tuesday, I had a really important meeting the day before that I’ve spent months prepping for. Cool. She’s aware there’s plans post her birthday. My phone also has technical difficulties she’s aware of. The day comes and there was expectations that hadn’t been communicated prior. It’s 4AM when I first wake up on her birthday, having slept at 11PM after working. Instead of interrupting her sleep by calling, I started posting a happy birthday thread on my social media, with the idea to call her later. I fall back asleep and wake up to her missed calls in the morning which I immediately return. The expectation that had not been communicated: you weren’t the first person, at midnight, to call me. She said she shouldn’t have to understand anything on her birthday. I did my big one and swallowed what she was saying, took responsibility for how I made her feel which was unimportant (furtherest thing from the truth obviously but I could not invalidate her), I apologised profusely and named the impact, citing that I can see how my actions or lack thereof caused harm. Before I could even ask how I can make ammends for it, she already stated that there’s nothing that can be said or done that can rectify or repair this because it’s already happened. My response to that was: how would you like to move forward? Would you like space to regulate on your own or would you like to involve me in co regulating so I can help you move from a place of unsafety emotionally and back to us?
2026-04-23 02:48:08
4
justbuiltdifferent_ :
Boooooom sauce
2026-06-10 12:55:50
0
nboafly :
How would you heal after. If you break up b/c you can’t co regulate.
2026-04-22 12:32:56
1
jenna_swirly :
I’d love to know what being co-regulated with is…I’ve done it for my children but I’ve never had a safe connection with any human. It sucks. I’m done looking.
2026-04-28 02:11:31
2
markedbylove :
yesss, sooo very relational, therfore gonna affect us.....good or bad. caring about our ripple effect on others can make a world of difference 👊 you 🪨 🎸
2026-05-15 17:12:23
0
derekaw :
This is an important addition to the discussion, I have not heard this before.
2026-04-22 08:23:55
1
Chris Horton :
Self regulation leads to co-regulation .
2026-05-02 00:35:05
0
Amanda- Relationship Coach :
Yes! We have to regulate ourselves and then come back to co-regulate 🙌🏼 when we get better at regulating ourselves, we also get better co-regulating in the moment
2026-04-22 12:30:56
5
Klaushausnl :
Co-regulating can be so healing! Even though I often try to handle it myself 🤦🏻♂️
2026-04-22 01:11:36
1
🤯🪓ℝ𝔞𝔮𝔲𝔢𝔩 🌈🍄🤷🏼♀️ :
odd question, forgive me. your hair is phenomenal. are you doing old school curlers over night? you've got the aesthetic class of Marilyn Monroe and one of the greatest communication styles and helpful content I've experienced. you're appreciated!
2026-05-28 01:13:29
0
karijo2035 :
YESSSSSSSSS!!!!! We are not weak to have our needs met as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2026-04-29 16:05:15
1
Evelyn Robinson 🇦🇺 :
Thank you for saying this! I have ADHD & anxiety and I KNOW I have attachment issues, but it felt like all the responsibility to regulate my nervous system was on me when he disappeared for months without a word! All i heard was “self regulate” and “don’t chase clarity from someone who’s giving you nothing!” So what? The other person who refuses to communicate gets a free pass!?
2026-06-16 15:43:32
0
Kiskisa :
We need actual examples please
2026-04-26 05:38:28
0
ReikiAndBeyond :
Thank you for naming it all! It needs to be said! 💕
2026-04-24 06:15:47
1
markedbylove :
good co-regulation is sooooo good
2026-05-15 17:13:34
0
Olli :
👏 Applause applause mam... You got it. Thank you for braking it down.
2026-04-30 06:35:04
0
LalaTheIntrovertedExtrovert :
You just get it. Once again. Thank you for this 🫶🏾
2026-05-04 01:02:44
0
John Epps :
My girl is so hyperindependant and it is slowly killing both my heart and this relationship 🥲
2026-05-13 01:44:39
0
Autumn :
Thank you for giving attention to this! Growing up as a ghost child has shown me how painful it is to go without co-regulation.
2026-05-19 23:26:46
1
MrCJDrizzt :
Regulating myself is exactly why I ended up here. I did it the wrong way. I internalized so much. So obviously I wasn't regulating myself properly. And now I have to do it alone. Except for creators and people on tik tok. Thank you for all you do.
2026-05-07 12:43:56
0
she6863 :
If you don’t have a person, go find a tree!! There’s incredible co regulation with a tree. Start with just your forehead on the trunk and wait and breathe. Feel feet touching all its roots and breathe. Then give it a hug and breathe. We need trees too. They need us.
2026-06-09 15:21:45
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