JO HNツ :
why is it lagging?? it makes me wonder if people only like the comfort i give and not really me. i became so used to being the second choice that whenever someone finally pays attention to me, i already expect them to leave once they find someone better. it’s exhausting always being the person people come back to when they’re lonely, confused, heartbroken, or bored, like i’m just a temporary place for them to rest before giving their real love to someone else. the backburner, the rebound, the almost. i think what hurts the most is knowing i would’ve chosen them completely while they only chose me halfway. over time, it starts making you question your worth even if you try so hard not to. you start wondering what’s wrong with you, why you’re always easy to leave behind, why nobody stays with the same energy you gave them. i try to act unaffected and joke about it sometimes, but deep down it genuinely hurts watching people treat me like i’m only good enough for certain moments and never enough to be permanent. i crave the kind of connection where i don’t have to beg silently for reassurance or overthink every small change in energy. i want to experience being chosen naturally, consistently, and without comparison. not because someone got hurt by another person, not because they were lonely for one night, and not because i was simply available. sometimes i think i spent too much time trying to become lovable for other people that i forgot how draining it is to constantly feel replaceable. but even after all of that, there’s still a part of me hoping that one day someone will stay without making me question if i’m only temporary in their life.
2026-05-17 08:37:31