Zyiee :
How does it feel to be on top? How does it feel to be someone's favorite? How does it feel to be comforted by someone? I tried my best to be on top in school. I really did. Yes I know that I often use phones or gadgets everyday, but that doesn't mean I don't wanna be on top. Everytime my friends gets higher score or grades I just look at them knowing that I will never be them. When will I experience this? Maybe if I stop using gadgets I'll finally be on top, but I just can't control it. And then there's some friends of mine who've been backstabbing me, I did the same—yes. But I also hope they'd also understand me, not just themselves. Sometimes they make fun of me just to make themselves cool & funny, but for me? It doesn't. It makes me insecure and lose confidence. They're unfair sometimes I must admit. Then they'll tell me all their problems, asking me 'Am I not enough?'—what about me? Am I not ENOUGH? I've tried to kill myself sometimes, not for attention. But for losing the pain. I want to tell them that, especially my parents. Although, I'm afraid. What if they'll judge me for just looking for attention? I'm not. Seriously. I just want to tell you gaiz. I'm already done at my problems, yet I still feel it inside:/ I kept telling myself, 'Ano bang mali ko?' 'Masama ba 'kong tao?'—I know that I'm stubborn, maldita, disrespectful to my parents, but they don't know how much I love them, I just don't know how to show them. I also kept disobeying them, especially my mom who sacrificed everything for me. I always whispered to myself; "I hate her, I hate my life". Not them knowing their daughter was just tired and doesn't know how to show them love I've been keeping my own self. What does it feel to be comforted by your parents? I wanted to tell them 'I love them, but I hate it'.
-Zy.
2026-05-21 07:04:25