The Pottymouth Guru
Region: CA
Wednesday 06 May 2026 20:19:25 GMT
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Jen Vac :
Can you also speak to the responsibility of the hurt person? What do you do when the hurt person is actually pretty mean? Or what if they constantly assign the worst possible meaning to your actions and miss characterize you over and over again? I always hear a lot of discussion about identifying with the hurt person first, but never about the responsibility of the hurt person and how they share their hurt.
2026-05-15 14:00:26
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The Pottymouth Guru :
Be honest… when you feel misunderstood, do you explain faster or shut down completely?
2026-05-06 20:20:05
6
Forestation :
Thank you
2026-07-01 03:10:16
0
seph (rat boy) :
this is me 😭 I find it so hard to stop being defensive and explain my actions because I feel misunderstood on a daily basis and like my loved ones are just refusing to see who I am and always assuming the worst intentions 😞
2026-05-07 23:15:44
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fleurodivergent🌻 :
Omg I love this bc my husband and I just got to this place after our last fight (to be clear, I am the chronically defensive person). A big part of it is my own misunderstanding of what they’re upset about, i.e. it often sounds like the thing that hurt them was [insert accusation of intent] vs something more objective like “you said you’d be home by 6:00 so I made sure dinner was ready on time, but then you detoured for another 15 mins playing pokemon go…” (something that did happen the other day 😅) where I had no problem being like “omg that WAS crappy of me, I’m so sorry!”—I’m sure I still have moments of avoiding accountability (unconsciously) but I don’t want to. It’s usually just that misunderstood feeling; being convinced that if only they knew the context they’d feel better. And more proof that it’s a capacity issue—I’m 1000x more sensitive to it when I’m stressed or underslept. So I’m practicing keeping things in the right order and not accidentally dismissing what he just brought to me, in my haste to clarify.
2026-05-14 19:17:02
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Moose :
After a lot of destructive and damaging cycles of this, knowing then why invokes a desire to reach out and explain this and share this. But right now, what’s most needed is the calmness that comes from me expanding my capacity and tolerance for discomfort. I’m hoping we can repair because the love I have for her never left or waivered.
2026-06-10 21:13:41
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rooftop2table w/ Derek Vincent :
Omg. I can’t tell you how many of your videos I have sent to my partner. I have NEVER heard anyone hit the nail on the head so exactly more than you have! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 🥰
2026-05-06 20:52:06
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Sarah Ambrose :
I am the defensive one. Your videos have really and truly helped me understand how my partner feels when I do this. He has tried to explain it to me, but it didn't click. I have so much work to do, I absolutely do NOT want him to feel like his feelings don't matter. It's a hard road, but I'm slowly trying to heal myself. Thank you for all of this. ❤️❤️
2026-05-08 03:44:21
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T H :
My father inlaw smiled and asked me what my thetmostate was set to when I told him I was uncomfortably hot at his home. I responded 68°. His response was,"You must have a high electric bill", in a calm cool tone while smiling at me. Also he didnt offer any alternatives to help me. Months later when I brought it up he said he did remembered saying that, then he said it was a joke, and the he said I love you and would do anything to make sure I was comfortable. I responded with,"Then why didnt you in that moment?". His response,"Idk."
2026-05-16 16:43:52
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gbrook810 :
Why does it take your relationship falling apart to begin to understand these things?
2026-06-29 20:44:38
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Redfreak :
Your annunciation is astute!
2026-05-17 16:28:00
4
scary_bou :
I think this is common with neurodivergent people. I'm AuDHD and I find it almost necessary to explain my intent if a misunderstanding happens after I've first apologized. I do this because in my head, I know my communication can be rough or I say things in a different way, so I EXPECT there to be misunderstandings. So I feel like it's a kindness to them to let them know what I meant after because I know I can be hard to understand sometimes. It's to offer them clarity, not let ME off the hook. I'm neurodivergent. I know I mess up in what I say sometimes.
2026-05-07 18:55:36
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Darth Verge🇨🇦 :
My favourite post from you, so far. I’m am the over explainer and it’s never meant as dismissive or malicious. I do see how it can be perceived as that though. And, in my head, I’m not trying to defend my character. In my head I’m trying to fix the hurt I’ve caused.
2026-05-12 15:00:55
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Cheryl :
I needed to hear this. I have work to do.
2026-06-10 18:47:18
2
Sweet Strays :
My partner always fail to understand that I know she’s not a bad person even when I tell her that and that hurting me doesn’t mean she’s bad, she still thinks she’s a bad person if she hurts me. I think that’s why she’s quick to “explain” so that if I’m not hurt then she’s not bad. But I am hurt!
2026-05-15 15:25:26
2
Tiffani :
oh my god this I am the hurt person and this soooo much. this explains it better than I ever could.
2026-05-08 23:29:04
2
Andrew John Kitchen🇨🇦 :
what if you want to explain intent. so you first give time to take the impact help repair first. so that the hurt person feels understood. then after hearing them you then go to explain your intent after, to have your opportunity to be understood but they view it as blameshifting, or not give you the chance to share you lr feelings and desire to be understood because their needs and feelings have already been addressed.
2026-05-17 15:24:01
1
Luke Elson :
Spot on 👏. I feel so validated but also so disappointed in myself as I’m absolutely the defensive one and it’s def not malicious despite how it is typically received.
2026-05-07 03:55:51
6
Mysterious Leg Bruise :
It’s my responsibly to respond to your words & actions. It’s is NOT my responsibility to interpret what you meant/intention.
2026-05-08 19:31:09
4
Finn :
It's shaaaame
2026-05-07 05:28:55
4
Frances Leone :
FFS can you believe it 😭🤣 this video is amazing, hits it to the t, so helpful, so I sent it to my partner and excitedly told him I found an even better video that might help us understand each other and how to improve. So then, instead of going “oh great will listen later, thanks for looking after us”, he goes “right but my defensiveness is not the only issue we have!” Slammed right back into defensive mode… Cuz I never said it was. (Even though it is lol). Fml 😂
2026-06-27 09:59:15
1
Okami :
I do this.. and need to learn this capacity
2026-06-13 15:10:53
1
Lesbifriends :
Yeah…that’s me
2026-05-27 17:40:27
1
BrittanyMarieee :
And that is so true coming from
2026-05-13 15:54:46
0
Ransomville Rat :
For me it's more that when someone hurts me or even just is seemingly inconsiderate, I desperately want to know how it happened, what their perspective and thought process was. To me, if you can't tell me why your actions caused a rupture, then I fully believe it was A) On purpose and B) Going to happen again. So when I'm being defensive and trying to explain the why and the how etc, I'm genuinely not trying to make excuses, I'm trying to demonstrate that I fully understand where I went wrong and even how I think I could repair and I want feedback on whether that repair is adequate.
2026-06-16 18:03:33
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