kelleydaring
Region: US
Tuesday 19 May 2026 23:51:39 GMT
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✨Jessie B✨ :
I’ve realized I’ve stopped watching movies as much over the years because he doesn’t always like what I want to watch and he doesn’t want to watch it with me so I just don’t watch them so we can do something together instead. I miss watching movies. I’ve started just putting the movies on anyways and he will go find something else to do if he doesn’t want to watch it.
2026-05-20 13:29:44
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babs :
This is a part of the architecture of patriarchy.
2026-05-20 12:23:38
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🥂🍾 :
Yes, my husband does something similar to this where he’ll see me outside gardening on a good day when we’re not gonna have nice weather for a long time because we live in upstate New York and he will decide because it’s so nice out we should go do something with the kids and I’ll say no I’m having fun gardening. I need to get this done that done. I need time to myself to decompress and he will go just go to the kids. Hey kids let’s go to the park. Won’t that be fun and then they come and say Mom are we going to the park and if I say no, I’m the bad guy. I literally can’t win in that situation at all.
2026-06-07 17:05:36
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Tina :
Totally resonated with this and ur other posts on centering urself, my husband is retired, bored and dissatisfied and does little about it , his tension makes me uncomfortable, now I get on with my own happiness and said I would not live in a tension infused home so up to him to regulate himself instead- early days but that stand alone has made a big difference to me.
2026-05-20 11:29:33
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Alisa ☀️ :
“I expected the world to make me happy” - patriarchy
2026-05-20 15:02:14
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Ne Ne :
it was like raising a toddler
2026-05-20 00:06:14
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Inch :
I can’t even fully explain the tightness in my chest right now listening to you describe my married life.
2026-05-20 17:02:01
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Tiffany Mc :
“Forced to experience the world through his eyes…. “. YES!!! This exactly. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I appreciate you sharing your experience. You’re helping so many women, including me.
2026-05-20 01:09:37
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user4221644783159 :
Also found myself “coaching” the kids on how to handle his moods
2026-05-20 15:35:45
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With_the_weeds :
I learnt this recently. I was happy for the first time in a long time but hubby was not because I wasn’t focused on him. I told him it’s not my job to make him happy.
2026-05-20 04:47:04
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Em :
What an interesting unspoken aspect of emotional labor. I’ve not given this a thought as a woman in a relationship. Such an Important message.
2026-05-20 00:05:33
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Laura Kelley :
“my mind and body lived in a permanent state of concern and vigilance for his reaction.” Oof. That hits.
2026-05-20 16:39:39
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nancysimpson64 :
That is patriarchy at its best! we were all taught to put everything on the outside of us. once you see it you can't unsee! 💯
2026-05-20 14:12:25
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Kevin Marquette :
This cuts really deep. I think you touched on something that I couldn't identify.
2026-06-07 12:55:17
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scrappedtracks :
You don’t know how much your contents about this helps me!! Thank you so much!
2026-05-20 01:35:56
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Ascoyne :
Yes. How many hobbies of theirs do we adopt to foster together time when they do nothing we like?
2026-05-31 18:33:58
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Waxbae :
Whew Kelly, that’s exhausting!
2026-05-20 00:15:31
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Jess ❤️ :
It's started to resolve with me saying "I'm just an emotional vessel for everyone in my life. All I do all day long is put out emotional fires for the people around me, and absolutely no one seems to know or care that I too have emotions of my own! I need a break before I break!" I had already nearly broken.
2026-06-07 17:01:56
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Emily :
That’s how it was with my parents. Spent my early life walking on eggshells. Not doing that as an adult.
2026-05-21 22:04:01
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SpottedLolo :
I'm taking everything you have learned and share, and I'm applying it to my whole life. Not only have I centered my partners throughout my life, I've done this with my management and colleagues, even friends... Not anymore. I center myself now.
2026-05-20 10:29:06
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selectionbias :
This is not a question I would expect anyone to answer publicly, but this does raise the question - for me personally - how does one continue loving someone once we realize that this was our dynamic ?
2026-05-20 14:27:17
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Holly Janelle :
This series has been an eye opener for me. I have been married for almost 23 years. I don't even know who I am. I do everything for my husband and always try to anticipate the bad attitude. Everytime he talks to me it's "did you do this, or did you do that, or that's not right". Thank you for doing this series. I need to find a good councilor to help me decenter him! 🥰
2026-05-21 08:50:49
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ResettingWithChristina :
I married this guy and just divorced this guy. My life is so much peaceful now. (I mean I tried to decenter him and he asked for a divorce 🤷♀️)
2026-05-20 14:44:46
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mimi :
same but this was my childhood
2026-05-26 11:36:28
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𝐄 𝐫 𝐢 𝐜 𝐚 :
Same. Only difference is when I decentered him he left the marriage. He kept saying "I just wanna be happy". As if it was my responsibility. And I failed him. So I let him go and I've never been so relaxed. Breaking those hypervigilant patterns has been one of the greatest challenges of my life.
2026-05-21 20:04:03
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