@philosophyminis: You're on the train, and you look at somebody sitting nearby, and suddenly your world shifts. You realise that this person has a favourite sandwich that they like to eat every week. They have a song that they will always cry to. They are carrying stresses, worries, and dramas that they are voicing to no one. According to the writer John Koenig, this has a word. It's known as sonder. Sonder is the realisation that everybody is the protagonist of their own life. The boy at the bus stop. The man at the till. The woman in the next car over. They are each the centre of their lives, which are just as full, as detailed, as anxious, and as loving as yours. According to the philosopher Iris Murdoch, what we call sonder is the definition of what it is to be a good person. But it's also one of the hardest things to do because, for most of our lives, we shuffle along in a kind of half-awareness that treats other people as background scenery. But to actually see another person and to treat them as real as you are requires what Murdoch calls ‘unselfing.’ It's a deliberate, attentive effort to look at them. And so most of the time we don't even try. We flatten the person across from us into being the stranger, the commuter, the obstacle in the queue. It's how cities are run. It's how organisations are run. It's how cruelty runs. It's how we can walk past somebody every day without the weight of their world crushing us. Sonder is the moment that we attend to somebody, and it's when they turn from a thing into a someone. And if we believe Iris Murdoch, it is the only way that we can make the world better.

NoviceFireMage :

You should put all these things in a book, I feel like it would do well

Imminentil :

I find the concept of sonder the most fascinating when you extend it to other animals too. The sparrow you see flitting around or the rat or cat, they're all their own beings too, with entire lives and internal worlds, the full nature of which we can only guess at. I think that even more than with other humans, we look at animals too much like background moving objects rather than whole beings

jozonu2b :

let's make the world wonderful.

mintycupsch :

I like looking at people's clothes and think about why they chose those today

Martin Martinez :

I don’t have sonder. I know it superficially only.

Cook in Chaos 🌶 (Sasha) :

My favourite thing is when I see someone wonder what they’re know for, their obsession with Moomins, motor cross, abba. What is that thing, that makes them suddenly feel a sense of happiness. I think it more so when i go to a charity store, and see a very specific collection, 200 little pig porcine figures. Once the thing that those around knew, was “their thing” - or they were know for “salting food before taking a bite” “adding ketchup to everything” “always keeping sweeties in their bag” - Like I love Snoopy, and when someone I love sends me a “i thought of you text” and it’s a snoopy tea towel, i feel so seen. Or i love Chai and someone says “I had a chai recently at X, you’d love it, we should go” - everyone has these things and being seen through others eyes, as “i see x and I think of you” is one of my favourite human traits. 🥰

francis escaldo :

crazy how people need to realize that other people are real😭

𝙶𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚛🧘🏽‍♀️ :

Neilio :

love this. whenever I disassociate, I always fall into a state of sonder, viewing people, things, ideas and concepts as they exist whenever I'm not observing it. It's a fun way to spend a long bus ride or afternoon in the park.

SteveAY60 :

and way to many people just don't think about other people like this, but the world would be a much better place if they did.

Dimitrie Dan :

the way he says all of these in such a blunt and direct and almost jolly way always confuses me. I always agree but never know what to feel

Robyn Murphy | Female Finances :

as gen z would call it: main character energy ✨

예수는 진짜다 🐞 나이자 맨 :

sonder is one of my fav concepts

Omobolaji Niniowo :

Graphic visual will go well with this

limak🇪🇺🇵🇱 :

Being now close to my 40's I realized that everyone around is going through the same fight with life as I am. They have good and bad days, they can be confused, sleepy or just not have the same capacity at things I know, and be more knowledgeable in things I lack the knowledge. And it shifts how you look at everyone. I find myself more caring, more understanding, more compassionate. It's strange, but having my anger towards people taken away is liberating.

Gustavo Withers :

Me at crowded mall watching this

Angie V :

For some people it seems impossible to achive this level of consciousness, and empathy. I wish we could learn why, and learn how to spread it, or teach maybe. The world would be a much better place. 💖 🖖

예수는 진짜다 🐞 나이자 맨 :

you have a great voice, my friend

Tame :

It’s crazy to think about

lornes :

In my job we call it compassion

KP 🇦🇺 :

When driving I try to imagine that all other drivers are one of my children behind the wheel and this makes me focus on driving with care and concern for their safety.

maritoflamingo :

What a beautiful explanation.

Jamie :

I love this word, I knew what you were described before you’d finished talking about the sandwich 🥰

ASI🗝️🎐 :

I never skip one video of yours, even if I want to 😳

earthandembertattoo :

Hmm I don’t need to make a deliberate effort to do this and hearing that’s not the norm is quite saddening