Ell | Cultivating Bold Spaces
Region: GB
Saturday 30 May 2026 15:32:41 GMT
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kajvanveen :
I don’t think this is as great a take as you usually have. You’ve kind of turned it on its head. “Be yourself” centers the individual responsibility of the woman, whereas “Decenter men” highlights the impact patriarchy has on the struggle to be yourself. Decentering men is, under patriarchy, one of the most important steps in being yourself. If we don’t explicitly say so, many people might struggle to end up being themselves even in trying to follow that advice.
2026-05-30 15:51:57
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Dr Zoyander Street :
I'm not sure "be yourself" is such a clean swap here. Are you already the person you would have been if you weren't born into patriarchy? How do you know who that person is? I don't think this is a fall back position, it's something to actively cultivate and reshape through everyday life. I don't have a self that exists separately to the world in which I live, but I can work towards a better world partly by working on myself.
2026-05-30 15:49:19
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autumn :
I think you misunderstand the movement 💗
2026-05-31 12:23:13
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Shane :
De-center romance! De-center pursuing others in hopes that they'll affirm your value as a person! Pursue yourself! I love the concept of trying to *not* do something, because you can't take actionable steps /towards/ *not a thing* You have to identify the value behind the thing you're trying to avoid or cast out, and pursue actions toward growing that value rather than scorning the manifestation that represents your failure to live out that value. I like to use "do the opposite" as a starting point. take the thing you don't want, find the opposite, and write down the next steps towards pursuing that as a goal, because "not that" isn't something you can catch.
2026-06-04 17:28:35
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Myrkott :
you are definitely right, I've always thought that phrasing is useful online since the internet rewards controversies, if they just said "be yourself" it would sound too general and probably won't get much views
2026-05-30 15:47:59
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L :
In a ironic sense I see people (women) trying decenter men often end up centering men more than they have when they weren’t trying to
2026-07-29 12:37:10
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Alyssa Sullivan :
I will also say this idea makes much more sense when you apply it to couples in general. It can be very easy in all couples for one to make big changes in lifestyle due to their wants and needs and the other person to go along with it. Realistically that isn’t a bad thing. Being interested/ involved in your partner’s hobbies or deciding to start a new diet together isn’t toxic or unhealthy but making sure you have space for your own and yourself is extremely important to prevent resentment.
2026-05-30 17:53:45
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Robert :
"I have a hobby where I don't ride bikes."
2026-06-02 02:56:21
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mzro :
The way you acknowledge both its place and limits makes this so satisfying and complete.
2026-06-01 11:45:19
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Buhle :
you're high key cooking
2026-07-10 19:19:23
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Nerdish :
I think this applies to a lot of things. Be yourself is genuinely just a goated phrase. Whenever I think about specific things I can do to improve my life, so many lead back to “oh wait, that’s just being myself”. I mean the thing is, you also have to try find who “yourself” is, that you’re wanting to be. And if we think of the self as who we are stripped of all authority outside of us. You kinda get to an egoistic philosophy. which actually isn’t bad and commonly misunderstood. But yea
2026-05-31 09:53:59
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Kandake :
By the way with each question you asked, I answered - centre yourself.
2026-05-31 06:46:56
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devall :
it eat its self
2026-09-10 00:49:05
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Al :
thank you for explaining something I found to be confusing to understand.
2026-05-31 08:37:02
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Late :
You deliver amazing ideas! Everytime I see one of your videos I am so thankful you do workshops with young people 🫶
2026-05-30 16:05:54
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jnk :
ykb🔥
2026-06-02 20:56:31
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devall :
decanter the world
2026-09-10 00:48:51
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arsenik.orange1 :
totaly agree
2026-05-31 00:11:01
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Vseslava :
Nah, “decentre men” is way more effective and specific than vague “be yourself”. Decenterint men is not only about someone’s personal situation, but the whole new optics of worldview
2026-05-31 04:09:37
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vegannovice :
Good discussion point. I agree with the commenters saying that there's value in explicitly identifying the harms of patriarchy that go beyond "being yourself". Recognizing and navigating patriarchal biases (one's own and others) and societal infrastructure is an important framework that extends beyond being oneself, and includes things like how to be safe, how to help advocate for and protect others, etc., while the deeper context isn't as provocative.
2026-05-30 17:29:28
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Anni Endless :
centre women 🥰
2026-05-30 15:39:41
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CxTrack :
It’s misandry
2026-05-31 16:25:00
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laprofesensei :
I think decenter men content is useful as a tool, not a full movement. It brings to light the many often invisible ways that our lives our oriented towards men, the male gaze, and patriarchal norms. These deeper understandings of how patriarchy functions in the real world are necessary for change, but not sufficient.
2026-05-31 03:35:26
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M.A.G 🇬🇭🇳🇬 :
Every year new movement
2026-06-11 07:19:26
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