@drjondabach: Most couples I work with are dealing with this exact dynamic. The husband leans dismissive avoidant and the wife is left feeling shut out, confused, and desperate for more connection. She wants closeness, reassurance, emotional presence. He wants space, calm, and to not feel overwhelmed. So the more she reaches, the more he pulls back. And the more he pulls back, the harder she pushes. That cycle isn’t random. It’s attachment playing out in real time, and if you don’t understand it, you’ll keep misreading his distance as not caring when it’s actually him trying to regulate. Here’s the hard truth. You cannot chase a dismissive avoidant into closeness. It backfires every time. The shift is learning how to stay grounded, say what you need clearly without flooding him, and create moments of connection that feel safe instead of pressured. That doesn’t mean shrinking yourself. It means being intentional instead of reactive. Change the pattern, and you change the relationship. #DismissiveAvoidant #MarriageAdvice #AttachmentStyles

drjondabach
drjondabach
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Saturday 30 May 2026 23:31:57 GMT
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reneesessionsart
Renee Sessions :
It’s miserable. I should have left a long time ago.
2026-06-02 03:43:31
68
lori.anne911
🌸LoRi-B🌸 :
30 years now… any sort of attempt to have a conversation he views it as an argument. It’s exhausting! I just want to talk things out and come from solution but get absolutely NO WHERE and the problem goes onto the bone pile under the rug and that rug is a huge mountain now. Idk what to even do anymore.
2026-06-10 14:49:25
26
789userrrr
abc123 :
How can we hold him accountable? What are some examples?
2026-05-31 16:25:05
12
kstun8
Kstun8 :
This sounds unfixable
2026-06-02 10:25:03
14
aubzrenae
Aubrey :
I asked this man what his goals were in life and he said “I don’t know” 😐
2026-05-31 21:06:46
38
jennylee6462
Jenny :
And what are you supposed to do with that knowledge?
2026-05-31 04:03:23
14
miraculousmagick
🧿HolyShitPOET!🧿🖤 🥀PDCB 🦆 :
together 25 years and this is the hardest part.
2026-06-03 17:35:44
6
huh2358
🇦🇺 huh? 🇦🇺 🦘 :
Where does it come from? How to work with it?
2026-05-31 01:30:42
7
wildflowers049
mdd :
25th Anniversary next month. I just told him I can’t heal and grow if he doesn’t. He starts therapy next week.
2026-06-10 22:38:17
4
desert_flatlander
M D Rempe :
He is and I had to leave after years of abandoning myself
2026-05-31 15:02:59
10
barbarajsequenzia
barbarajsequenzia :
Exactly, what do you suggest we do????
2026-07-19 02:27:15
2
trinatakasato311
Trina Takasato311 :
This has been so eye opening!
2026-05-31 06:41:07
6
numb.lil.bug
user9586740946710 :
how though. how. because it's affecting the whole family now, and they are very aware of the mistreatment of myself, as well as where he's absent for them
2026-07-28 16:57:31
2
mari223196
Mari :
I did for 47 years now I'm 66 and he walked out
2026-07-25 02:39:42
1
heiditbiotock
Heidi T :
The injury doesn't hurt any less.
2026-05-31 13:50:48
6
jamiejoicrystal
Jamie Joi Crystal :
I'm doing my best to build my biz so i can afford the farm on my own. 6 years and i cannot anymore.
2026-07-13 11:38:56
1
zinadelavellano
Zina Del Avellano :
I am breaking right now..
2026-06-06 00:22:49
3
laurie0124
Laurie :
Well said! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
2026-05-31 07:50:22
1
donnamarieblock
Donna Block686 :
Sir, Dr., You just changed my life. I’m so grateful.
2026-06-01 20:12:42
2
aarikawilliams5
Rita :
How do you fix this?
2026-06-07 04:23:02
1
55ajones
55ajones :
How does her fix this ?
2026-07-02 02:51:01
0
cindy.baker889
Cindy Baker :
WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS
2026-07-20 20:23:43
0
nunyobusiness67
Noneyabusiness 🇨🇦 :
When, after 15 years, I was finally able to put a name to it, the fog cleared. Being able to name it made a world of difference to me. And then being able to name his darvo method of abuse also helped. Me coming at him with exactly who he is, and how he does it has been LIBERATING!
2026-08-25 19:39:30
0
katiebee325
Katie Clevenger :
Literally
2026-07-02 16:58:21
0
peasandcornbread
peasandcornbread :
Amen
2026-06-01 00:34:22
0
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