Ell | Cultivating Bold Spaces
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Sunday 31 May 2026 15:51:15 GMT
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David Balfour178 :
yes, and that emotional labour is never acknowledged or even appreciated
2026-05-31 22:39:29
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Lexi 🫶🏾 :
Why is showing someone reassurance draining to you idk I just feel you care for someone those things don’t shouldn’t feel “strategic” and also security within a relationship is absolutely relational
2026-06-01 20:30:00
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Dr. Hoodie Feedbag | psych :
Well said! There's a difference between having responsibilities toward someone and being responsible for their emotions.
2026-06-01 01:12:13
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zoomfruit 🇨🇦 :
I think that the core issue is that a lack of trust in one or both partners has become somewhat normalized in relationships. I saw a video on here where a guy essentially admitted he told his partner everything his friends talk to him about even things said in confidence, and then implied any man who didn’t do so was a bad partner, and the comments were filled with people insisting he was right and that telling your partner everything, even your friends secrets, is necessary to being a good partner. There’s many things to be said from this, including about the lack of value people put into friendships which I would love to hear your thoughts on, but the thing that struck me most was the lack of trust inherent in this belief, cause your partner shouldn’t have to tell you absolutely everything for you to be able to trust that your partner is not hiding something from you.
2026-05-31 17:16:08
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CJaying98 :
This is spot on but I think it’s important to add that it takes a lot of work to get to this shared understanding with someone. It’s such an advanced level of emotional maturity which many people never achieve so you’ve got to work through it with a partner over time.
2026-05-31 16:33:41
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Laura Holliday :
So I have previously been guilty of this behavior, fuelled in part by poor TikTok dating advice. What advice would you give to me in terms of reestablishing a secure dynamic with my partner after a period of insecurity?
2026-06-01 17:57:36
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lols :
Okay but on that last part, what if your analytical thinking is turned towards yourself a bit too much? Becoming too preoccupied with reflection and analysis that you’re incapable of feeling anything without immediately thinking about that feeling and trying to understand what it’s trying to tell you about you. Too much self awareness
2026-05-31 21:39:11
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साधना🇳🇵🕉️🏳️⚧️ :
walking on eggshells
2026-05-31 21:01:20
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OkDoomer :
This was my last relationship to a T. Every deviation in plans, every moment of being in a less than perfect mood, it was an occasion for a conversation about whether I “truly liked” her. This was combined with suspicion over totally ordinary things: why is there two coffee in your car, is that from somebody else? (It’s just mine from yesterday). Why did you get your haircut this day rather than that, are you seeing somebody else? If you really went there with your sister why don’t you have a photo to prove it?
2026-06-08 03:38:27
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library fae :
this is so interesting to me because as an autistic person having those routines such as saying goodnight or i love you at the end of a conversation can be so grounding, but the big part of it should be everyone wanting to and being willing to do those together !
2026-07-10 16:21:38
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Joan of Arha (she/her) :
Oh…
2026-06-01 06:53:14
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yub.chats :
how is every video so spot on
2026-05-31 15:55:46
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Carmilla ✨ :
plus, a lot of this is based on how society thinks a relationship "should be", which should be irrelevant. your relationship with your partner(s) should be what you both (or all) want to make it, not whether you think they respect the 'set canons' of a relationship (ie texting).
2026-06-01 07:27:32
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EB :
It’s not uncommon for people who share your perspective to have shown up completely differently early on in the relationship and what the other person is actually experiencing is a drop in attention, care, affection, etc that they needed to be happy in a relationship. People enter the relationship with expectations for consistency and the pursuit of that feels taxing after the initial excitement wears off
2026-06-02 01:37:05
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butcharchivist :
Texting is just something I fundamentally don’t enjoy and I am a great person and friend in real life but I LOATHE texting. It makes dating feel incompatible with my existence because of the extreme pressure on texting over anything you do in real life.
2026-06-07 01:22:06
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hildegardvonbangin89 :
I notice also some people feel they need to share every thought or feeling they have and it’s like you sometimes need to sit with those things and not put them on someone till you know they’re not fleeting moments
2026-06-02 19:58:25
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HeartlessWretch :
only looking for a mirror. if you're down and I pick you up? I'd like you to do the same. same with texting before bed, asking about my day etc. just want someone as hype for me as I am for them
2026-06-02 16:58:08
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kingskin.drag :
This describes my previous relationship down to a tee. I have never felt so drained. Even when I lost both my grandparents (who were my parent figures) my ex girlfriend still wanted this from me. I rarely got any time to myself and all I wanted was space to grieve. I left as I could not take it anyone. My new girlfriend is going through the recent loss of her mother and yet is a thousand times more secure even with this truly devastating and destabilising trauma having recently occurred in her life.
2026-06-01 08:18:17
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T. blabla :
love the nuance. i would add that there is probably no clear line that divides healthy from unhealthy that would apply to every person. i'd argue that it's something you need to find out for yourself. how much can you give and how much can you expect without you or your partner / friend / family member being unhappy in your relationship
2026-06-01 10:56:58
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skyboundnbeond :
I would love to see/hear expansion and clarification of "he has responsibilities towards me, but is not responsible for my feelings." I find this concept difficult to explain from my POV to my spouse (she is growing and I'm proud of the work), but it tends to get muddled in the explanation and misunderstood as "he doesn't want to have to care at all about my feelings" which is not what I am meaning.
2026-05-31 20:22:18
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thinger23 :
On the one hand, I do agree with the sentiment that there is a fine line between being there as a partner's emotional support and being used as your partner's emotional crutch. On the other, I do truly believe all social relationships are constant negotiations, wherein all relevant parties explore each other's boundaries and through subtle social dynamics we establish roles and routines.
2026-06-01 14:47:10
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Cycon :
ExHAAAWWSting
2026-05-31 21:28:01
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Galaxy :
oh immediately too much work. I am very loving but I'm not creating scaffolding to make sure your ego is propped up
2026-06-02 04:03:13
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Monkey D. Ghyasi :
tldr its fawning
2026-06-01 15:52:58
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Sami Şen :
I am a person that shows affection very strategically unfortunately. Ofc I’m not talking about manipulation or to take advantage of my partner or because of evil intentions ofc not, and in all my relationships whenever my partner needed my affection I would always give it to them without any questions and I would always be there for them. However what I realized is that I would give affection for certain periods of time, like example if I had went more than 2 weeks without buying my partner a gift, I would rush and try to get them a gift and get them something at least twice a month, or I would always try to get my partner something after not seeing each other for a while, and ofc the classic one, I would get them a gift after an argument. Now that I’m single I realized that I wasn’t giving these gifts out of love, but out of fear of abandonment and disappointment, I would try to make it a routine getting gifts, and making a routine makes the gifts even worse, it would be gifts that my partners never asked for and quite literally never wanted, this made me realize that I even tho I really loved my past partners, I was doing this showcase of affection out of fear and strategy rather than out of actual love, and this also lead to my past relationship to always go through a toxic route because I was so insecure and afraid. And well now I’m single until I’m able to fix my problem and I’m happy enough to be in a relationship again
2026-06-01 04:38:49
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