Ian :
“Here. Handle this in a calm, very composed manner, this is your worst case scenario snake. Now, if you get bit, you’re gonna learn that you were not calm and collected. I recommend you get bit so you can learn how you need to maintain you composure through it. Because only you are there to help you when it comes down to it. Next up is a baby diamondback who has no idea how powerful his venom is yet, so if he grabs you, you’re getting the ‘very high’ setting. Alright. Everyone got their sticks? Open your trash cans.” (I grew up in AZ and those old people grabber sticks have launched probably 200’ of diamondback out of my hands. I saw one ruin a wedding reception when it struck a family horse (of 28 years) up top in the hip, and got stuck being dragged around before being seen. Nothing like being apart of the 6 man team that gets selected to not be ushered to the outside front of the house by a crying wife and mother (of the groom and her first horse that’s being put down by a .45 colt on the opposite side of the house, and down the mountain a couple hundred feet. Music was loud, but everyone except the children pretty much knew what was happening. That selection process felt like getting selected as a navy seal (ironically, the groom and my best friend is a naval special warfare operator). Walk a lame horse (that hip wasn’t working) into a quickly backhoed out grave. Like a 21 gun salute, except it was 2, the horse first, the snake, now with gravity on its side, trying to wiggle away. Made it about 3’, made the mistake of trying to climb the 6’ wall. Round 2 hit and I, the Sonos DJ, immediate request to make mom happy, still 800’ away on the other side of a house and mountain, “Mambo No 5.” Mom, still sobbing, was not happy from that. She did smile after the 4th repeat.
2026-06-05 23:38:17