@drewwdaniels: A Fearful Avoidant attachment style makes it hard to forgive our partners. #attachmentstyles #avoidantattachment #anxiousattachment #fearfulavoidant

hoelle :

Britta :

It’s not really “if they really knew me” it feels really obvious that I’m upset and they are choosing to ignore they are upsetting me. When actually it just do look like I’m chillin from the outside lol

bardo_d :

i have a disorganised attachment style is that what you’re talking about?

Opal Breeze⁷ :

yup. i took space to regulate my own nervous system after a heavy discussion, said i’d be back (i’m prone to panic attacks!) 6 days later i came back and he broke up with me 😭

░m░a░t░t░e • Friend :

this is super relatable except for two things. I do communicate. it's just not always well-received. and I can't accept an apology, but only after behavior changes. because otherwise, it's not really accountability

itsgiving.grace :

Is this fkn play about me? Omg 😭

libstinator :

Omg the apology needing to ‘match’ the pain is so real 🥲 I know it sounds crazy, but like if my partner can’t ‘feel’ my pain, then they don’t understand it, and then I can’t trust the apology. But I am neurodivergent and feel most things ‘more’ than my partner, and I struggle to feel okay with how someone maybe will not fully understand me and my emotions.

Drew Daniels :

Do you consider yourself Fearful Avoidant? I notice many folks could claim “anxious” or “avoidant” without noticing the disorganized “fearful avoidant” as a possible attachment style

Rini Spencer :

The sorry not feeling authentic or deep enough is something I really struggle with. Even being way more secure, that’s one struggle I still have!

sav :

uhhhhhhhh how to fix this

sierrachanellee :

Omg I think I’m a fearful avoidant

Aloe :

Is this fucking play about us?

😎 :

The story being bigger than the original injury. . . . Perfect description of that feeling

twisting_tiger16 :

I don't think that's fair for the partner. I noticed changes of energy and asked my avoidant partner what's wrong and she didn't want to tell me, saying there's no problem at all, to the point I stopped asking, thinking my questions would pressure her. I tried to be a safe place for her, just talking slowly and give her assurance in between. At some point she suddenly vented everything out and didn't want to continue our relationship. Trust me we notice when something is wrong, but if you dont want to voice out your concern, how are we going to fix it?

connordunn2121 :

I feel called out

Ashley :

WOAHHHHHH CHILL OUT 😭😭

jaxyn :

yikes lemme lock in

K. 🪩💌🍒🏠 :

so i’m the problem

mushumi :

It makes it worse too esp if u know it’s on you and u can’t change how u feel so it just sucks

🧙🏼‍♀️ :

this is my partner and i but when either of us are in that mood we become aware of each other and are able to reel one another back in? if that makes sense

User73926082 :

I was like this, I was so miserable and my relationship was deeply suffering from it. I now speak up immediately and my husband knows I’m going to do that and he has worked on relaxing I’m not being combative, I’m calling out that I am reacting negatively to something he said / did and we then work to bridge the gap of understanding as to why that hurt is being felt in the first place, course correct, apologize and hug so we can move on with our day as partners, because at the end of the day we know for a fact that we’re never trying to hurt the other one, so if there is hurt, then it is simply a matter that needs to be addressed so we get back on the same page, instead of “he doesn’t care about me that’s why he does this.” Just an unfair way to react to someone who loves you.