Beverly 💋 :
they call mine C-PTSD [complex ptsd].
-13 years of loving a man who said he loved me but really hated me.
-13 years spent on my knees begging for gentle love, not violence.
-13 years of waking up every single day, wishing I had died instead of waking up but so paralyzed with fear I couldn't leave.
-13 years of gaslighting, relentless manipulation tactics, and narcissism.
-13 years of trauma bonding
-13 years of being told I was fat, ugly, and worthless and that no man could ever possibly truly love me because all I was good for was sex, a bank account, and a place to live- in that exact order.
-13 years of bruises, and constantly having to come up with new and creative ways to cover them up.
-13 years of him threatening to harm me or my momma is i ever left him.
-13 years of tears, stress, pain, and a broken heart.
I finally decided to leave the night i told him i had found out just 8 hours earlier that i was 11 weeks pregnant and when I told him, he kicked me in the stomach 5 times while wearing steel toed boots... but he was so afraid I would tell someone and get him locked up that he wouldn't even allow me go to the hospital so he took my phone, smashed it, smashed his own phone, and held me hostage at "pewpew" point for 3 days and on the third day, I passed my 11 week fetus and he made me flush it down the toilet... when he finally let me go, he told me he would unalive my mother if I ever told anyone what had happened.... that was 2017. and I didn't tell a single soul until 2022, when my now-husband and I were sitting in a psychiatrists office because I had tried to unalive myself.... I've been away from that monster for almost nine years now, but I still have nightmares about him. i still look over my shoulder in public. I still cannot go into certain stores or restaurants. I still cannot go anywhere alone out of fear.... and I've recently found out I'll never be able to have any children. that man stole so much more than just 13 years from my life. he robbed me of an entire future I envisioned for myself. 💔😞
2026-06-11 12:48:07