@stillbecomingmama: the ceiling becomes very familiar. you learn its textures and shadows and the way the light from the sound machine moves across it at different hours. you know the crack in the corner and the spot where the paint is slightly uneven and you have stared at all of it so many times that your brain just keeps going past it, past the room, past the house, into whatever it finds next which is usually not anywhere you want to go at 3am alone in the quiet. i used to think the ceiling staring was just a me thing. part of my particular brand of not being able to surrender to this season gracefully. like other moms had found some way to just be at peace with the night and i was the only one lying there with my eyes open doing inventory on every unfinished thought i had ever had. and then i saw the dots. and i want you to know that the ceilings of so many houses have a mom staring at them right now. not just yours. not just mine. all of us awake in the same dark hours looking up at the same nothing, brains running on the same tired loops, waiting for the same morning that is still so far away. you picked the wrong ceiling to think was the loneliest one. there are so many of us up there tonight. #postpartum #newmom #postpartumsupport #momlife #newbornmom
