rrrrrainbows :
ito ako, nagtatago sa dump kasi i’m afraid he might randomly stumble upon this and read my thoughts abt our relationship. 9 years, we’ve been together since 2017, i love him so so much that i swallowed my own pride jus to be with him (im the kind of woman who's full of pride, kayang tiisin miski sariling pamilya), i caged myself with him (i love my freedom more than i love myself, but i love him more than i love my freedom), and recently, i realized, hindi ko kayang hanggang ganito na lang kami. ako yung laging bumubuhat, i became independent at an early age—18. as soon as i hit 18 umalis ako sa amin, nagtrabaho, pinaaral ang sarili, and travel to places i have always dreamt of going to. hindi ko kayang bayaran yung expenses kapag sagot ko siya (well minsan naman pinapasama ko siya and sagot ko). then recently kapag aalis ako, nararamdaman ko yung shift of energy, naguguilty akong umalis or gumala. may work na kami pareho pero ako pa rin sumasagot ng dates namin madalas, naubos na ako. we broke up for a year and that's the year na feeling ko sobrang gaan ng lahat, pero hinahanap ko pa rin presence niya— hence, i came back.
now i got to realize, hindi ko kaya yung ganito na okay na sa kanya yung staff lang sha, minimum, walang provider mindset, walang growth mindset. pilit ko siyang hinihila pataas para hindi siya lumubog pero napapagod na ako.
2026-07-03 00:36:06