E.L. Redwine :
My dad has dementia. A year into my transition, he mentioned that he was worried about using the wrong name and pronouns as a result of his memory loss. He feared hurting me and then feeling horrible for it, if/when I corrected him. I thought that was kind of him, and realistic. So, when he asked if he could use my old name and pronouns, I told him yes. We will walk into doctors offices or Burger King and he will introduce me to the people he knows. He says, “This is my son, [dead name],” with a proud smile in his voice. The people look at me, as I stand there wearing full makeup and a dress, tilt their head as I smile and say hi, then just say okay and move on. Even when I go over sans makeup, wearing less feminine apparel, he still acknowledges that I am his daughter, when it really matters. We were filling out paperwork and I had to put my brother and myself on there, while reading what I had written, he paused and read our names. He paused for a second… “Oh yeah, that’s you. Evelyn, my daughter. Okay.” Then he signed it without hesitation. Sometimes we do things for our own comfort while other times it may be an act of kindness to dress in a way that makes those around us feel at ease. It is not necessarily hurting us. Sometimes it is about extending kindness to someone else.
2026-06-22 09:14:56