@alyssaaazander: We broke up 6 years ago and I was so sure he was the problem. The constant bad mood. The space he seemed to always need. The way things always felt heavy and distant between us. I didn't even want him back. I was done. Ready to move on and find someone who "didn't make everything so hard." But in the time we were apart, I started looking at myself (I mean *really* looking) and that’s when I started to realize my role in our dysfunctional relationship dynamics. Here are 3 things I stopped doing that changed everything: 1. I stopped making his mood mean something about me. When he was quiet or off, I'd spiral. I'd try everything to try and fix to make the discomfort go away. But it was never about him. It was about me not feeling safe unless everyone around me was okay. 2. I stopped keeping score. Every nice thing I did, I was secretly tracking… waiting for him to match it. And when he didn't, I'd build resentment *instead* of just asking for what I needed. 3. I stopped blaming him for how I felt. I wanted him to be the reason I was unhappy because that was easier than admitting I didn't know how to regulate myself. I gave him a job that was never his to do. When he came back, I was genuinely surprised. But more than that… I was different. And that meant our relationship could be, too. We're engaged now. And what we have only exists because I finally saw my part in it. If you want to learn how to build a safe and secure relationship just type "CLASS" in the comments and I'll send you my free masterclass where I share the one shift that changed everything for me and my relationship 🫂✨ #fyp#fyplationships #anxiousattachment #codependency #healing

Alyssa Zander

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Tuesday 16 June 2026 23:58:09 GMT