@scott.austin.martin: Defensiveness is one of Gottman's Four Horsemen of relationship rupture. But it's also a protective mechanism. The question isn't whether you're being defensive. The question is what it's protecting. The answer is usually this: discomfort. Avoidance and projection are two of the most common coping mechanisms in the world. And the reason they're so common is because they work — they take away discomfort in the moment. But they don't heal anything. And they don't connect you. Get curious about whether defensiveness is your default. And if it is, ask yourself: how do I dismantle that in a way that opens a path to actual connection? What do you really want? Most of the work is melting the things that are in the way of what you want. #nervoussystem #relationships #relationshiptips #menscoach #defensiveness

ScottAustinMartin

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Wednesday 17 June 2026 14:51:32 GMT

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doggybottompatter🐕 :

I finally got him to recognize, acknowledge and address his defensiveness. He understands now how harmful it’s been for me and our relationship. But you know what? I’m exhausted. It took ten years and I’m worn out, worn down. I’m not sure I forgive him for all those years of not listening to me.

2026-06-18 17:04:10

Shaz :

It's protecting the ego

2026-06-17 15:33:01

The Sun Within :

This is my partner. So defensive. I ask him if he’s seen my socks and it’s like I’m accusing him of stealing them 🤦🏼‍♀️

2026-06-18 01:10:47

Ruya Journals :

is the other person being angry at their avoidance not discomfort at all? I always wondered how everything else in uncomfortable except the other person that they mistreated being angry at them.

2026-06-18 20:10:59

Whitney𝜗ৎ :

They also hurt the other person

2026-06-17 19:45:57

Bryan Clark :

🎯🎯🎯

2026-06-17 22:16:14

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