eden :
Last October I realized that my ex-boyfriend actually hated me, or at least that to him I was just a girl he liked and whom he convinced himself he loved so he wouldn’t have to face his loneliness. I went to watch him at his competition, driving about an hour to get there. He almost forgot to talk to me and didn’t even want to take a photo with me after the competition. When I expressed that I was upset, he cried, got desperate, and apologized endlessly because he knew very well that it was something really serious for me and that it risked ending the relationship. I let it go, considering the fact that he wasn’t in a good place because the competition had gone badly, but I started noticing more and more that he despised everything I did. He never laughed at the things I sent him, the music I listened to was awful, and when I started feeling insecure about the girl he himself had told me was interested in him (“in my opinion”), he yelled at me telling me to “wake up,” triggering a severe crying and panic attack. When he broke up with me months later, he didn’t give me a clear explanation, just that he wanted to be alone. He kept answering my “check-ins” to see how he was doing. In the first few days he said he loved me so much and that it simply wasn’t the right time for us to be together. I always sensed an aura of unhappiness in him that he often took out on me. The last time he wrote to me of his own free will was after my competition, which had gone really well. He told me I had done amazingly, kept saying he would always be on my side, and told me not to shut down because of my disorder (I have BPD, even though I apparently no longer meet the diagnostic criteria right now, but that’s because I’m very calm and haven’t had any crises in this period — I’m not cured). When he found out that I’m now happily in a relationship with my current boyfriend, he deleted all my comments and every trace of our relationship, and stopped giving those few likes to my stories.
P.S. When I went to see him at a competition after we had already broken up, I gave him my Nintendo console to give to his little sister, because I had promised him and I cared about it.
2026-09-18 02:13:33