Baya Voce
Region: US
Friday 19 June 2026 09:47:56 GMT
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Nefynhop :
“You hurt me” isn’t a feeling, it’s an accusation and judgement. Instead “after you said that I feel so scared that I’m unloved and fear being abandoned”. These are feelings and they elicit empathy
2026-06-19 16:06:57
58
Frances Leone :
OMG this is my partner and I to à T!! We go round and round. I keep telling him he’s extremely defensive and just needs to sympathise with my pain, but didn’t realise I could also work towards not being triggered when he dismisses my pain… although I still want my pain to be acknowledged so how does that work 🤔 only way I can see is if he stops being defensive!
2026-06-20 14:14:56
24
Minor Lee :
When you share the pain it is about that person it’s about how they effected us… we shouldn’t sugar coat that even if someone had a difficult past they have to learn to take accountability even when it hurts them. Softening the impact by saying it’s not about them doesn’t help.
2026-06-22 16:18:11
1
Katie Ellis :
my husband and I worked through this over a decade ago without therapists, without understanding immediately the purpose or reasoning behind pur behavior, just a devotion to doing better. We were EXTREMELY lucky we were able to figure it out and protect each other from most of our past and we grew together. Still a work in progress every day.
2026-06-20 06:40:22
18
MichaelPMDC :
But if something one did to the other was the moment of injury, it is about them. It doesn’t make them a monster. But objectively holding space, how does one do that while being the one who injured the other?
2026-06-19 11:12:05
24
Melissa Stockstill-Zumba Lady :
Relationship repair becomes very difficult when shame avoidance is the most important thing. I think it’s important to build emotional capacity, especially around difficult emotions like shame.
2026-06-20 02:47:56
27
i.am.nobody039 :
If only people could have that kind of reaction instead of going into defensive mode.
2026-06-19 17:07:56
9
UsernameUnavailable :
This is a well assembled and thought out video of two people dealing with the baggage of bad past experiences in communication. Worth mentioning, and I realize how this will sound, that sometimes the original claim of “you hurt me” is just as deeply bonded to past experiences and the current partner could have literally done nothing wrong. As a genuine question, how should that conversation at least begin? As a hypothetical imagine the “I saw you staring at…” when the trigger is literally imagined? (I’ve learned that the least damaging and dangerous path is to shut down and that’s clearly not helpful for either of us)
2026-06-20 13:39:29
1
Ormus :
Hardest lesson on earth
2026-06-20 02:12:59
15
Islene :
It really sucked with her because it’s really hard for me to articulate my feelings while she was extremely good at articulating hers. I could share my pain but I couldn’t explain it well enough that she’d care, more often than not she’d articulate how it’s just my fault. It was a tough relationship, and even if we didn’t work out I wish nothing but the best for her
2026-06-20 22:55:32
6
modest :
Communication is hard, there's multiple points where understanding can break down and what you want to say doesn't land. I learned this in therapy and it's always helped me. Communication is a 4 step process: 1. you think about the thoughts and feelings you want to convey. 2. you select and say words that try to convey what you want to communicate. 3. the other person physically hears the sounds you make and puts them into thoughts in their brain. 4. they interpret the meaning of what they heard into their own thoughts and feelings. that is not an easy sounding process, and it has multiple points where things can go wrong. It's hard to always remember this, but when I can do it, the flights between me and my partner always end up being ok.
2026-06-20 10:45:26
3
Sarah Kern :
this level of pause and maturity is the shift 🔑
2026-06-20 09:13:34
4
Nicole 🇨🇦 :
I need to stay on this side of tik tok
2026-06-19 15:07:05
4
IPAKEDU :
Does all of humanity have to learn the role of rationalism criticism and the moral duty of parents? Parents are not just other people on the planet.
2026-06-19 23:57:19
2
user9523135355256 :
Transference
2026-06-21 17:28:11
0
RelationshipBase :
Great video!
2026-06-20 07:54:04
1
mudboyy___ :
real
2026-06-21 06:25:05
0
TherapyWithSarahP | Ontario :
Thisss 🙌🙌
2026-06-19 20:33:37
0
fisioalicemoita :
What can we do to repair this :(((
2026-06-21 19:45:40
0
Just_Lindsey :
The ONLY thing I would adjust is that saying “we’re talking to everyone else that made us feel this way before”… yes, but also you are talking to the person in front of you… because they’re doing the same thing by not being able to hold space for you and making it about them. If that person weren’t, your trigger wouldn’t be triggering. Bringing concerns in a relationship is necessary… a need. That’s why these relationship dynamics with people unable to hear criticism is so impossible. You can learn to speak in a way that is not accusational and do everything “right”, and they can still be triggered.
2026-06-19 16:03:55
15
1111Sabine1111 :
You cant learn to share pain without making it about them, when the pain IS about them. AND you have the right to say what hurts even if imperfectly
2026-06-19 14:57:22
10
Tokey_Wokey :
As a chronic defensive reactor, the first thing that helped me stop and listen to my wife when she’s upset is to literally hold my breath and tell myself to not breathe until I LISTEN to HER words, instead of reacting to MY feelings. “Want to breathe? Then listen, you stubborn motherf*cker”
2026-06-20 03:38:01
4
sleepy littlething :
the defensiveness and the gaslighting
2026-06-21 22:28:56
1
Marlow :
Therapy. Bc we all shot we can’t see past.
2026-06-20 02:15:19
1
Missy Cross :
Shoot now I’ve got to show my husband this tmr morning
2026-06-20 01:19:06
0
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