@opallauryn: Replying to @Zeeeeej thank you for this comment, I was just about to make a video about this morning when you put it perfectly! #weaponizedincompentence #mentalload #patriarchy #men #relationships

sam :

they don't do the list anyway. my "list" sat on the fridge for a year

Just J3N :

Read the room-the house-ME! Etc

AuntieFester :

I told my husband "get stuff and I will make stuff with what you get."

Elizabeth :

It takes me like 4 days to make a list. A great list. it's lunches, snacks and dinners for 1 month. And it has be under $500.

Rescuemomof4 :

I made a list it’s been on the dining table for 4 months. A vanity he wanted to replace has been sitting in a box since before Covid. I’m tired.

lori_mori_ :

And it is never just a list. It’s a Flo chart as to what to do with each item on the list. What’s the contingency should something not be there - how to handle it based on a different brand rather than the brand we always buy - there is so much BS that goes along with making a list !!!

downhome_dowlings :

my husband’s currently in prison, but I am totally saving your page because we’re gonna sit down together and watch every single one of your videos

Anonymous User :

I want to like this 800 times

Zeeeeej :

It’s also tough bc I do like, adore my husband, and he IS incredibly helpful and wonderful but some things just feel like … MIND NUMBING LOL

Tall Dark :

gr33k_godess :

I already have a premade kitchen list in case my boyfriend wants to pull that move, he won’t but just incase: Scrape off any food or liquids off the dishes into the trash can and sink, take the dishes out off the sink and onto the counter separated by plate, bowls, cups, utensils, pots, Tupperware and pans, rinse inside of sink with just water with plates bowls and eating utensils, if wooden don not touch yet, use the scrub daddy sponge and dawn dish soap. Use hot water to clean them and rinse off before you place them on the drying rack. Then rinse the sponge until there is no more soap in it. Take the silver sponge and use that and dawn to clean the pots, pans. Rinse them off then dry with a DRY rag. Take the biggest pot you can find and fill with water, take the pot and place it on the stove, look under sink and grab the white container that says sanitizer and pour while saying 1 Mississippi 2 Mississippi 3 Mississippi then stop once you’ve finished counting, turn on the stove top with the pot and let boil, rinse off the wooden dishes throughly and place in the pot that is boiling for 6 minutes, if the cutting board is there have half of it in the pot for three minutes then flip upside down for another 3 minutes. While the pot is boiling grab the rag you used to dry off the pots and pans with the yellow Clorox bottle. Spay the counters and microwave with the yellow Clorox bottle, then in small circles that over lap each other use the rag to wipe the counter, at each line in the counter stop and ring out the rag and once rung out go back to where you last stopped and continue from there. Turn off the stove top with the pot of wood and slowly pour into the sink, grab a different dry rag and place it onto the counter furthest from the sink and place the wooden kitchen supplies on top of the dry different rag. With the rag you used to wipe down the counter and stove wipe down the sink in small circular motions. Once done with sink ring out rag, and hang on the stove handle straight and not bunched up. Put away dishes in the drying rack in the correct places, plates bowls and cups in the upper cabinets where the microwave and toaster are, Tupperware in the lowest

ChairHair 🍉 7️⃣ :

and TRUST ME the list NEVER GETS MOVEMENT.

scrunch25 :

if they *actually* had differing standards that should still mean a minimum, unprompted amount of time spent on cleaning, and there should be areas where they’re picky too. example: my husband is more intense about clutter and making sure the house is aesthetically pleasing. i prefer other detail work. but we both vaccuum, do dishes, do laundry, clean up after ourselves, restock cleaning supplies. we only have to ask once if we want the other person to attack a DISCRETE task differently. the standards comment is usually a shield against doing anything at all.

KT :

I would ask him to please make dinner (after I had shopped and prepped and found him a recipe) and he would ask me to sit down and read the recipe to him while he cooked. It drove me NUTS. He would frame it as “I want to spend time with you” even though if I had been cooking he’d be on the couch on his phone. He still wanted me to do the work.

Desiree_Jayne :

And don’t get me started how they expect praise for doing the task you asked them to do and how they feel so unappreciated when if it doesn’t happen all the while never a thank you. What really drove me crazy was how my ex fought me on my household managing ideas and plans. If I’m just expected to do the job, then stop making extra work to get me to convince you.

Opallauryn :

And let’s be real does the list ever even get done?

The mechanic 😎 :

who does this even apply to these type of relationships do not exist

HuduS. :

What a negative take on this. Asking for a list is saying “Hey, we have different temperments and sensitivities when it comes to certain household needs. Some things come on my radar first and same to you. Clearly, there are some things that have begun to bother you that I don’t see. It’s not that I don’t care about you or your feelings. Nevertheless, those things are bothering you. I would like to help but apparently I’m blind to them. Because your happiness is important to me, would you please make a list of the things that are bothering you so I can begin to alleviate some of that burden?” Don’t immediately attribute malice where ignorance and good intention would easily explain what is going on.

teikodahosewaterhooligan :

🎯🎯

eggsaladluver69 :

😂😂😂

Bearcharger :

it's not just a list it's an attack on my autonomy! 😭gaslighting 😭 misogynistic 😭 bigot 😭 bare minimum 😭patriarchy 😭 I choose the bear 😭mental load😭 privilege 😭

Old Ham :

Our load isn't distributed evenly. I probably do 75% of the total. And guess what? Its fine and I don't complain to my wife about my "mental load" because quite frankly it's not that big of a deal. We're not in a competition. Im happy to do it if it aligns with what she has capacity for. Grow up people. Seriously. Stop sweating this stupid shit. If you're comparing tasks you probably don't need to be married. She brings more than just tasks. She is better at some important things my family needs too. The tasks are just....tasks.