— You ever notice how people say they drink to have a good time? — That's usually the idea. — Yeah. — And? — I don't think that's what we were doing. — No? — No. — Then what were we doing? — Buying permission. — Permission for what? — To stop pretending for a few hours. — That's a cynical way to look at it. — Maybe. — Or maybe it's just true. — ... — ... — Was it fun at least? — At first. — What happened? — Nothing happened. — That's not an answer. — It kind of is. — Explain. — We laughed. We told stories. We made the same jokes we've made a hundred times before. — Sounds normal. — It was. — Then where did it go wrong? — I don't think it went wrong. — No? — I think it just ran out. — What ran out? — The distraction. — And then? — Then everybody got quiet. — Quiet? — The kind of quiet where nobody wants to be the first person to say what they're actually thinking. — Did someone? — Eventually. — About what? — Something that happened years ago. — That's random. — Not really. — Why not? — Because old mistakes are patient. — Patient? — They don't need your attention every day. — Then what do they need? — A moment of weakness. — ... — ... — So one person brings up the past. — Yeah. — Then another. — Yeah. — Then another. — Exactly. — And before you know it— — Nobody's talking about tonight anymore. — What are they talking about? — The versions of themselves they can't stop arguing with. — That's a depressing party. — It wasn't a party by then. — What was it? — A courtroom. — A courtroom? — Everybody presenting evidence against themselves. — That's dramatic. — Is it? — Maybe not. — Because that's what it felt like. — People listing regrets? — More than regrets. — Such as? — Opportunities they missed. Things they should've said. People they should've kept. People they should've left. — That's a dangerous road. — I know. — Did anyone find answers? — No. — Closure? — No. — Then why do we always end up there? — I don't know. — You must have some idea. — Maybe because happiness doesn't need explaining. — What do you mean? — When things are good, you just live them. — And when they aren't? — You investigate them. — So that's why the conversation always drifts backward. — Maybe. — Because everyone is secretly looking for the moment things became what they are now. — Yeah. — And did you find yours? — I found a dozen of them. — Which one was the real one? — That's the problem. — There isn't one? — I don't think so. — Then what is there? — Just years of tiny choices that looked harmless at the time. — ... — ... — So we drank because we wanted to feel lighter. — Yeah. — And somehow ended up carrying the past around all night. — Yeah. — Funny how that happens. — Is it? — Not really. — No. — Not really. — The strangest part is that nobody was even trying to talk about their mistakes. — Then why did they? — Because after a certain point, when all the noise dies down and the jokes stop landing... — Yeah? — The things you've spent years avoiding seem to realize you're finally sitting still enough to listen. #щп #щитпост - @llfocus