🫠 :
i’m so tired. not the kind of tired that disappears after sleeping, but the kind that stays kahit paggising mo. every single day i wake up carrying things i never even asked for. people always say “be grateful” and i’m trying, i swear i am, but sometimes i don’t even know what i’m supposed to be grateful for when everything around me feels so heavy. i keep seeing people with complete families, laughing together, eating together, celebrating birthdays together, going on random road trips, taking pictures that actually look happy. and every time i see them, the first thing that comes to my mind is, pano sila? but right after that, another question keeps screaming inside my head… pero pano ako?
i don’t even get jealous because they have expensive things. i get jealous because they have peace. because they can go home without feeling nervous. because they have someone waiting for them. because they know what it feels like to have parents who actually act like parents. because they know what it’s like to be heard without begging to be understood. because they know what comfort feels like. because they have a home that actually feels like home.
sometimes i wonder what i did to deserve this. was i a bad person? did i do something so wrong that life decided this would be my punishment? people keep saying everything happens for a reason, but what’s the reason behind crying yourself to sleep? what’s the lesson behind feeling unwanted in the place that’s supposed to make you feel safe? what’s the reason behind constantly questioning your own worth?
school doesn’t even feel like an escape anymore. i smile, i laugh, i answer when people talk to me, but no one really notices how drained i actually am. they think i’m okay because i’m still functioning. they think i’m okay because i still submit my requirements, because i still show up. but showing up doesn’t always mean someone is okay. sometimes people only show up because they don’t have a choice.
there are days when i stare at everyone around me and wonder how they’re doing it. how do they laugh so freely? how do they not overthink every little thing? how do they sleep peacefully? how do they trust people?
2026-07-13 08:56:27