鴉 ⤿ ᴋᴜʀᴏ ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ :
My ex doesn’t understand why I’m like this or how badly I struggle with BPD. I’m trying to protect him by not dating him because I made that mistake three different times before, and it just couldn’t work. It’s confusing for both of us because we both admit we deeply love each other, but I still won’t be with him. He means everything to me. He literally waits for me and says I’m the only girl he’s ever felt this way about, but I can’t do it. It’s hard to explain because I’m so in love with him, but at the same time I can feel so much anger and disgust toward him, and I hate that. We end up fighting because of my reactions, and he doesn’t always understand how to handle it. He just tries to comfort me and hold me through my spirals, but then I end up leaving because I think I’m protecting him. The problem is, I always come back. I’ve done this before I would leave and then return years later. This time I’ve stayed away for around two years, and I’m trying my best to keep that distance because I don’t want to hurt him. But he won’t leave. The longer he stays, the more unstable I feel because I get scared of losing him. I don’t want him to find someone else, but at the same time I know I’m not ready to be with him. I know that’s unhealthy, and I know I have things I need to work on. That’s exactly why I don’t want to date him until I can handle myself better. I’m trying to get help, or at least I’m trying to start. I just don’t want to keep hurting someone I love.
2026-06-23 12:35:25