Every now and then, in the middle of a session, I decide to challenge myself just for the fun of it. I climb out, walk to the block and step up. Toes curled over the edge. And just like that I am not in a training session anymore. I am back at every competition I have ever swum in my life. I can hear it as if it were real. The whistle. Then that long, electric silence where the whole hall holds its breath and the only thing in the world is the water in front of you. Take your marks. I bend down and reach for the front edge of the block. Fingers hook over it, hips lift, weight rolls forward onto the balls of my feet. My whole body coils into that tight, loaded position, balanced right on the edge of falling. Everything goes still. The kind of still that is about to explode. Beep. Gone. I throw my arms forward and drive off the block with everything my legs have. For a heartbeat I am flying, stretched out flat over the water, arms locked in a line in front of me, and then I cut in clean and the water swallows me whole. A few sharp dolphin kicks under the surface, tight and fast and then I breakout. Now there is no holding back. My arms turn over hard and quick, my hand catches the water and rips it past me, my legs hammer behind me in a tight relentless kick. Heart pounding. Lungs starting to scream. The water tearing past my ears in a rush of white noise and bubbles. Twenty five meters of absolutely everything I have. No prize. No crowd. No reason at all except that I still can. And it feels unreal. I slam into the wall and hang there, chest heaving, grinning under my goggles like a kid who just won something. No medal waiting. No time on the board. Just me, that old familiar burn, and the pure stupid joy of having gone flat out one more time. The second you decide to race it, it hands you back every ounce of fire you have ever carried. I am not chasing records anymore. I am chasing that feeling. And every time I climb onto that block, I find it again. - @markus_marthaler