secretaccount_345 :
I’m going through my second dark spell in two years. I might have mentioned the first one before; it happened because I didn’t have any real, close friends. This is the second one—I feel an emptiness inside. I’ve never been loved, never had a girlfriend, never been understood or accepted by a girl; no one has ever made a move on me or shown interest in me—except as a friend. You can’t understand the emptiness I feel because I don’t know what it’s like to be loved or to have someone—even just one person. As time goes by, I’m increasingly afraid that I’ll never experience being loved during my teenage years—or perhaps ever in my life. The unchangeable obstacle is that I’m too ugly to even attract a girl... I try; I make an effort to dress well, smell good, have nice hair, make an impression, and be likable. But I’m tired of being sad and crying every day and night, tired of living through a living hell inside my own head. I’m not depressed; I’m just tired—tired of having to hide my face all the time, of looking in the mirror and feeling disgusted yet unable to look away. And sometimes the thought of ending it all crosses my mind; it’s there—lurking in the background, slowly, invisibly, but it’s there—now more than ever. There is no life without being loved; in this world, if you aren't perfect, you end up alone. I experienced this firsthand last year when I had no friends and was going through exactly what I’m facing now—sad days and nights spent crying and dreaming of having friends, battling my own thoughts and myself while trying to somehow accept reality. Now I am surrounded by friends, yet I feel perhaps even emptier and more alone than before. I do not accept this reality, and I never will; if I ever were to accept it, I don’t think I’d stick around for long, because being alone is the cruelest, most unfair thing of all. But it’s okay—I’m a man, right?
2026-07-25 22:29:17