@stillbecomingmama: i have a confession about that night. i had already texted my mom before i opened the app. typed the whole thing out, how hard it was, how i was not okay, how the nights were breaking me in a way i had not anticipated and could not seem to get ahead of. and then i sat there with my thumb over the send button for a long time. and then i deleted it. not because i don’t trust her. but because sending it meant making it real in a way that just feeling it didn’t. meant someone else carrying a piece of it. meant a conversation in the morning i wasn’t sure i had the energy for. so i deleted it and opened the app instead and the map loaded and the yellow dots were just there, steady and quiet and asking nothing of me. no response required. no explanation needed. no managing of how it landed. just proof. just moms. just awake. and i sat there and felt something i had not felt since the nights got hard, which was that i could be not okay without it costing anything. without having to hold someone else’s worry about me on top of my own. the dots just let me be in it. fully. without performance or explanation or the deleted text version of myself. just the real one. at 3am. finally allowed to just be exactly where she was. #postpartum #newmom #postpartumsupport #momlife #momtok
