@llfocus: — The funniest part, honestly. — What's that. — I still defend you. In my head. Even now. — Defend me from who. — From everyone, basically. From whoever brings you up, from whoever's got something negative to say, from my own thoughts sometimes, when I catch myself starting to think badly of you too. — Why would you do that. After everything. — I don't fully know. I think some part of me just refuses to let the version of you that I built stay damaged, even when reality kept giving me reasons to let it crack. — So you're protecting an idea, not the actual person. — Probably, yeah. The actual person isn't even here for this. Hasn't been for a while. But the version in my head still gets defended like it's a real-time thing happening, like there's still something at stake. — That's strange, when you say it out loud. — It is. It's strange that I'll hear someone say something dismissive about you and I'll feel this immediate urge to argue, internally, even though I have just as much reason as anyone else to agree with them at this point. — Maybe more reason than anyone else, actually. — Yeah. Probably more than anyone else. And that's the part that gets me. I have the most material to be angry with, out of everyone, and somehow I'm the one still building a case in your favor. — So what does that say about you. — That I don't think I ever actually let go of who I decided you were. Not the real you, the one who hurt things and left them that way. The idea of you. The one I'd built up before any of that happened. — Is that loyalty or is that just stubbornness. — I think it's neither, honestly. I think it's just memory being kind to someone it shouldn't be kind to anymore. Like my mind quietly decided you deserved better representation than the facts actually support. — Do you think that'll ever stop. — I don't know. I keep waiting for the version of you I defend to finally match the version that actually happened. So far it hasn't. So I just keep doing this instead, defending someone who isn't even around to know it's happening, who probably wouldn't even care if they did. #щп #щитпост

werni🪽

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Thursday 25 June 2026 20:15:00 GMT