@kristen1942: Women-work on being less nice and less helpful #fyp #women #patriarchy #boundaries #truth

sashamariesanders :

Wish I would have learned this at age 8 instead of 38

larakasza :

As a psychotherapist, I teach this to Therapists who can then support their female clients - thank you! And thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate - and learn - so much for you.💖

Jessica :

Yes! It’s so hard for me to sit back and just watch things happen when I see what I perceive to be someone else struggling or even suffering. Something as simple as watching someone have a hard time opening a jar when I know an effective strategy, up to much bigger things, if I know I have something to offer, I just offer it, even when I know it won’t be well received, it’s reflexive.

TheNarcAssistCorner :

Terra Leone :

I just walked out of a PCP appointment because I was waiting for 45 minutes. They thought I would ignore that and just came up with excuses. I had surgery a week ago, my meds were wearing off and I was hungry. I have 0 bandwidth to absorb other people’s fuckups.

Justyna Poserina :

It’s been a journey for sure. It’s also been lonely. When you stop serving everyone else and sacrificing yourself - you realize that most of your relationships aren’t real relationships. They are people who benefit from having you around. And the moment you see it you cannot unsee it. And there is a time of lost feeling and finding your place in a world where you aren’t just doing everything for others- while others do next to nothing for you

299,792,458 :

Be kind but also selfish and wise.

Beany :

I am absolutely doing this. I no longer do anything for anyone. It's kinda of a bummer cause I used to like to do so, but it always bit me on the ass.

Diane Carriere :

It’s not so easy to stop because the backlash is very real. It’s Not about physical violence or abuse it’s the feeling of not being heard.m

janaej1 :

Letting go of uber niceness has been like a fun experiment for me. I'm nice but not in that like me/trying to feel safe way. I don't mind helping but not at my expense.

Humbeedy :

This also comes from my neurodivergence. If Im not helpful, and entertaining, my ND tendencies are a nuisance and inconvenient enough to ignore me or ditch me.

habemus67 :

This is the top tip worth knowing

ggbostini 🐕 :

This is something I have been working on for the last 4ish years - it is uncomfortable & painful but necessary.

Filmmaker & Dream Launcher 💫 :

Getting breast cancer, while devastating, finally made me stop overgiving to other ppl and only giving to myself! ❤️‍🩹

Tammy Secondi :

can't we just teach everyone to be nice and thoughtful?

user3389635403444 :

It’s a STRUGGLE

️ :

whats your take on abortion?

Ziggy_Starrdust :

I really really appreciated the ending

kellikater :

I starting stopping being a pleaser like a decade ago. To be fair, I was never very good at being submissive because I didn’t grow up with a man in the house.

Walk Gay with Me :

Thank you for sharing your story

KMD :

I understand this, but nice and helpful are not negative traits. We need more kindness in the world; not less. That doesn’t mean that we allow people to abuse us.

Harmony8894 :

This is truth-and one of my biggest and most challenging goals. As a Gen X woman it's SO deeply ingrained!

Prettyshield 🪶 :

Absolutely every time I am forced to be assertive. I cry myself to sleep because it feels awful to be treated so poorly . Once you stop it you will be targeted as the bully by groups of people trying together to take you down. That tells you how powerful yoU are ! Thank you lovely for all you education & experience. Greatful for yoU ! 🌹👑🌹 warmly, Matriarch Society Back

nittanylion76 :

The last time I asserted myself with upper administration, I was told to watch my tone by my boss. I realized very quickly that she was projecting her insecurities onto me. I don't even think the upper administration noticed.

Lovely_Shenanigans_2.0 :

Brainspotting & EMDR helps deconstruct programming