@elly.psychologist: One of the most confusing parts of being in an emotionally abusive relationship is that the apology can feel completely real. Emotionally abusive people are often very skilled at saying exactly what you need to hear, and in that moment it can feel like genuine change is possible. So how do you actually tell the difference? The first thing to pay attention to is whether the apology is about you or about them. An emotionally abusive person apologising will often spend the whole conversation talking about how bad they feel, how much they hate themselves, without ever really acknowledging the impact on you. That's not accountability. That's managing their own discomfort. Real accountability sounds like: I can see what I did, I understand how it hurt you, and that's on me. The second thing to watch for is the "but." Any apology that includes a but and redirects responsibility back onto something you did isn't genuine accountability, regardless of how emotionally abusive the behaviour was that preceded it. And third, and most importantly, stop listening to the words and start watching the behaviour over time. Words are easy, and emotionally abusive dynamics often involve moments of real charm and warmth that feel like proof something has shifted. But the pattern across the whole relationship will always tell you more than any single conversation. If the behaviour keeps showing you something different to what the words are saying, trust the behaviour Official accounts and resources: www.ellyanastasiades.com #emotionalabuse #emotionallyabusiverelationship #abusive #relationshiptok #relationshipabuse

Elly | Counseling Psychologist

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Wednesday 01 July 2026 07:55:00 GMT