charlotte.sumt1mes :
to be brutally honest.
I really cannot stand how alienated we have become from each other.
I am so used to being alone, but i know you aren't. I recognize how difficult and painful this has been for you. and i wish I could have been kinder and more nurturing instead of focusing on brutal truth about how insufficient and worthless I am, as becoming part of your life.
I was so intent on not leading you on or misrepresenting myself as a viable option that I actually hurt you even more badly and massively alienated you. your kind heart, i treated you so cruelly when all you wanted was to care for me.
I am so very sorry i refused your beautiful offers of devotion. i didn't feel worthy. i had nothing negative in mind, against you and your wonderful self you were giving me.
im sorry I made you feel icky and bad about yourself, just because I have no self esteem and couldn't handle your sweet heart as the sacred gift you were offering to me.
unfortunately, I am well entrenched in my self hat red and nobody will ever convince me to view myself differently. not even your beautiful self, angel. im a defective human. im so broken im only jagged edges.
I wish i could have been helpful to you, but it turns out the capacity for usefulness i thought I had was a myth i sold myself.
I really overestimated myself, I am devastated that I ended up being useless for helping you.
I just ended up being empty sentiment, bland words on a screen. you should be looking forward to what I have to say to you, my words should be thought provoking and make you intrigued to have conversation with me.
I regret being a disappointment to you and leaving you stranded and alone 🫂.
I wanted things to be beneficial, for your sake.
I apologize to you
with all my heart and soul,
that i didn't give you what I promised to you.
I love you. you are the most precious special exquisitely lovely man. and i am so grateful for the privilege you gave me, sharing yourself.
all of you means everything, to me, baby.
always ❤️
2026-07-04 04:14:53