@helena_earls: fawners, no more relating to adults like they are babies. #fawning #innerchildhealing #cptsdhealing #traumatok

leftmypersonalitybackinprov,RI :

You’re so right. It starts with parentification in childhood.

althegirl :

usually fawning because the other person is cruel and explosive

nothinghere0426 :

Very well said. As a therapist that sees couples I'm constantly trying to get people to treat each other like adults. It's been so helpful for me too as a recovering fawner. Very good point about it weeding out the emotionally immature instead of getting a high from them bc we are getting to play at our best role

BreakBloomStudio | Healing Art :

It’s hard to stop, and then you get feedback about how kind you are…so it feels like you’re doing something good. But deep down, you feel exhausted and unseen.

isabelle :

I’ve been working on this for what seems like ages and I’ve got to a stage where I can recognize that when I start to fawn it’s to soothe my own emotional activation secondary to someone else’s. But it’s really difficult to settle and not become (slightly) frantic when someone else is upset

💫StayAwake💫 :

I've never been a fawner and my mother always hated me for that.

user236460915 :

Working with clients and customers is directly resulting in the solidification of a belief that we are the managers of others emotions, expectations, and the perceived relationship. I think 8 years of retail/sales/design/install has totally wrecked my perception of the role in others lives. Working to undo this, but it’s so so so hard when you’re used to putting your own feelings and needs on the back burner for 40 hours a week.

Grace Bernadette :

Fawning is a kind way of saying “self deception”. We lie to ourselves about our reality and look for ways to survive it. 😫😔 Growth is so important.

Anna :

Unlearning all this now! And it is hard- allowing someone else to experience their own emotions and not “fix it” can feel so physically painful!

TropicalSunday :

Oooh I hate this

ᨰׁׅꪱׁׅᥣׁׅ֪ժׁׅ݊ :

we see the soul, and we can learn to see a human as well

ginamamaria27 :

This is an interesting take on fawning/bring in relationship with someone who does this. I believe I fawn- but I find myself relating to your post as the person on the other side who fawns in the maternal ways in a relationship to keep it “safe”… I did this a child with my parent. Does that make sense?

Jenni✨Wildly Sanctified✝️ :

This is so helpful. You explained it so well. I’ve never heard it said like this… My sister spent so long trying to fix everything in every family member. And my mom and I kindly tried telling her that we are not trying to fix her. We want to know her. We love her. Any time anyone was human, messed up, said a wrong thing, got upset, she was analyzing. I thought we had an honest deeply loving close relationship where we are both trying our best to be selfless and caring. She was waiting for me to be become flawless.

roundabout876 :

you should consider writing Helena. either a book, a blog, or something like that. your videos are extremely helpful.

lapdances4god :

I try to remind myself that other people are allowed to have their own feelings 🤷 it's kinda not my job

Economicgold :

so good!!

Brittany Bishop :

Once we quit doing that, say with family, it causes HUGE problems though.

dev :

my thing is sometimes, even as adults, we need comfort from each other and its hard to know when i'm being genuinely helpful and when i'm just instinctively fawning, especially with others who are still emotionally immature on their own...

Serena 🖤 :

Does anyone else seek what we give to others in return? Like I wish people would baby me sometimes. I think it might just come from not being parented but I feel like a little girl sometimes!!!

simplethingslikelaughter :

the first time I got close to someone who didn't accept regulating was so disorienting for me 😅

Janellelol :

Kaysee Coplan :

My last boyfriend, ugh. Wish I could stop falling into caregiving.

lauracolors78 :

thank you for this! so helpful

zoë ☊ ★彡 :

oh man 💔

🪻 :

Maaaan