@stillbecomingmama: i want to talk about the word genuinely because i put it there on purpose. not i kind of thought or i wondered sometimes or in my more irrational moments i worried. genuinely. fully. with the complete conviction that only 2am can manufacture in a person who has been running on no sleep and too much love and not enough evidence to the contrary. i was not being dramatic. i was not catastrophizing. i was just working with the information available to me at that hour in that room which was silence and dark houses and a world that had collectively clocked out while i was still very much on the clock. and genuinely is important because it means the yellow lights did not correct a mild misunderstanding. they dismantled something i had built a whole architecture around. weeks of nights organized around the belief that i was alone in them. weeks of not reaching out because reaching out felt like asking someone to leave their sleep to enter my specific problem. weeks of holding the full weight of it because i genuinely believed the weight was mine specifically and there was nobody else awake to help carry it. and then every yellow light. and the architecture just came down. not gently. all at once. the way things fall when the thing they were built on was never true. #postpartum #newmom #postpartumsupport #momlife #momtok
