@continuouous: How would it be for you to just empathize, reflect, and redirect when a family member is trying to pull you back into old patterns? #cptsd #childhoodtrauma #traumarecovery #developmentaltrauma

josme85 :

I have a limited phone relationship. Brother and sister both know I can’t be pulled into their problems. I learned enabling never ends and they will always ask if I ever say yes to anything. I am there when they are well, but there’s a lot to it. It’ll be ok #boundaries❤️‍🩹

Jennifer :

I found during this type of conversation to only ask how the other person feels. tell them they can only make what decisions. dont feed the conversation.

Rachel Unspoken :

Yep. Compassion works better than getting pulled onto the drama triangle again.

Alice in Asheville :

I was diagnosed with CPTSD before I was diagnosed with auDHD. With the auDHD diagnosis I find myself really questioning what my childhood trauma really was. I don’t think it’s what I thought it was. I think it was more about not knowing how to fit into a neurotypical world but everyone expecting you to. I only creep up to this subject bc I’m not sure I want the answer.

EIKLAND SKULPTUR :

Were they there for you when you did the work? You don't owe that system anything- it only has heartache to offer.

A L I S H A :

I have 3 siblings and we all had to find healing in our own time. I was first and so there were a lot of times I just had to politely say “I can’t discuss this right now”.

Miss Jasmine :

Oh, the people I lived around while growing up? We're strangers ATM and have little to nothing in common (I'm only a year no contact). But, if they aren't doing the work to release the burdens themselves, I would say I don't have any capacity to hold them, even for a few minutes

bubble :

I'd go fully blunt like, "I'm no longer going to be in this role with you where I'm your confidant and therapist." Period!

NonPlayableCharacter :

It's not my job to make them comfortable.

not_that_serious_kelly :

You are allowed to hold your boundaries and protect yourself. I wouldn’t ask outright if she’s in an activated state, it might feel like an attack. I statements are great. “I love you and I’m with you. It’s also important for me to let you know that I can’t walk with you through all of it for the sake of my own wellbeing. This is a lot for anyone to have to hold, do you have support in processing (where she lives)?” Validate, state your need, ask an open-ended question that supports the concept of seeking help outside of the family system.

Consciouslyaware86 :

No. Listen and don’t identify with it at all. I don’t speak to any of mine i love myself too much. I can’t 😅 i broke out awhile back and i have learned too much 😅😂🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Nemo the Pirate :

They did. I don’t talk to them anymore.

flakenstien :

Nope wont dwell obsess ponder any of that. They dont get access to me.

cussing.sarah.connor :

Nope

Ava Blake :

Family members?? Can’t relate.

pastasaladdd :

Joe Pappi ♏️ 🇺🇸🇩🇴🏳️‍🌈 :

I’ve given up. I’ve found every time I’ve allowed family back into my life, even talking to them about the things they do that affect me does not stop them from adding to the trauma.

Adam AstroYogi Sánchez :

compassion but with solid boundaries. enmeshment never gets us anywhere good, ime.

Mikey :

I stay away as much as I can, and when I do visit, small doses.

Christy's Cosas :

I got verbally attacked for suggesting it.. it got turned around on be big time. No attempt to self reflect or take accountability. She just felt criticized even though I was incredibly empathetic and not accusatory.

Jenny :

Dude. You’re kind of winning if you even still have a relationship. I can’t be around them at all. I wish I could. I cannot.

Morgan🧚 :

nope. I did the work because I want to escape being the dumping ground for the rest of the family's woes

Static :

Thankfully I don't think there'd be a way for it to go back to those dynamics because my mom's dead.

Rebirth After Burnout :

I was told I was the “only one who needs help” 😂 cute.

Do The Damn Thing :

🥰🥰🥰