@elly.psychologist: Still missing someone after a harmful relationship doesn't mean you got it wrong, and it doesn't mean the relationship was secretly fine. What's actually happening has a name, a trauma bond, and it forms in a relationship where the same person who caused the harm was also, sometimes, your source of comfort. That mix trains your nervous system to read closeness as safety, so when the relationship ends, your body doesn't relax, it panics, convinced something has gone badly wrong. Missing them isn't proof you made a mistake, it's your nervous system reacting to a pattern it learned, not an honest verdict on the relationship itself. Three things genuinely help. Go no contact, properly, because even small check-ins reset the whole cycle and keep the alarm ringing. Look underneath the urge to reach out, because that pull is often standing in for something else, sadness, fear, grief that hasn't had room to surface yet. And regulate that underlying feeling directly, through journalling, movement, music, whatever actually helps, rather than regulating through the relationship. Every time you do that instead of reaching for them, you're quietly proving to your nervous system that you can feel safe without this relationship, and that's what starts to loosen the hold it still has on you Official accounts and resources: www.ellyanastasiades.com #relationshipproblems #toxicrelationship #relationshipissues #relationshiptok #relationshiptips

Elly | Counseling Psychologist

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Thursday 09 July 2026 18:45:00 GMT