@alyssaaazander: I used to think that if my partner was grumpy it was my responsibility to fix it (even though he *never* asked me to) 🙃 Shadow work questions really helped me get to the root of some of my patterns and this is the question that helped me see why I was making his mood my responsibility: “If my partner is in a mood, then…” (what am I afraid will happen?) I realized that my partners mood = me not being safe, and that belief came from times in my life where things *weren’t* safe if someone was in a bad mood. The problem is that I was bringing a past experience to a present moment, and it was negatively impacting my relationship. I had an attachment to my safety being tied to my partner and his moods. That’s why his mood/discomfort equaled my discomfort. I selfishly wanted him to feel better so that I could feel better, and I’ve learned that this codependent dynamic only leads to more resentment and not feeling good enough *for both partners* He feels like his feelings are too much, and I feel like my efforts to make him feel better aren’t good enough. We both feel inadequate and the cycle continues. We’ve spent the last six years rebuilding our relationship and learning how to hold ourselves through our own discomfort, rather than making the other person responsible for fixing it, and it’s completely saved our relationship. Using shadow work and inner child healing to learn how to source my safety from within, rather than seeking my partner to provide it for me, has completely changed my life and how I show up and experience the world and I want everyone to know about it. If you want to learn how to build a safe and secure relationship and the one shift that changed everything for our relationship just type “CLASS” in the comments and I’ll send you my free masterclass. You can also follow for more tools and practices to help you feel safe and secure in your relationship 🫂✨ #relationships #anxiousattachment #codependency #healing #couple

Alyssa Zander

Open In TikTok:

Region: US

Tuesday 07 July 2026 18:50:31 GMT