@matthiasjbarker: When I say acknowledge your part in reaching back out, I don't mean pretend it was 50/50. It very well may not have been. As a kid you couldn't fully consent to anything, you were a child, so this isn't about taking on responsibility that was never yours. But if there's any piece, even 2%, that you contributed and it was negative, it helps to own it. Not because the math is even, but because people lean in when they feel like the person across from them is willing to see their own part. It builds goodwill and smooths the whole conversation. (And yes, there are exceptions: sometimes people were just malicious and you did nothing. That happens too.) If you're working out what's yours to own and what isn't as you think about reaching out, that's the ground my free workshop Navigating the Divide covers. Link in bio!

Matthias J Barker

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Thursday 09 July 2026 00:00:00 GMT