@llfocus: — Honestly, I still miss something. — What do you miss. — That's exactly the problem. I don't know. And I've spent a long time trying to figure it out because it feels like the kind of thing you should be able to name. — Is it the person. — No. I checked. It's not the person specifically, not anymore. That part settled a while ago into something quieter, something I can think about without it pulling. — The feelings, then. The intensity of it. — Not that either. I don't actually want that back. I know how that ended, I remember the weight of it, and I don't have any real desire to go back inside it. — The time itself. That specific period of your life. — Not even that. The time had its own problems. I'm not nostalgic for it the way people usually get nostalgic, like I wouldn't actually go back if I could. — So you've ruled out all the obvious answers. — All of them. And I'm still left with this thing that just sits here. This feeling that's been around so long it's almost become part of how I operate, like background noise I've stopped noticing except in moments when it gets slightly louder for no reason. — Maybe it's not missing something specific. Maybe it's just the capacity for missing that's still running. — I've thought about that. That maybe at some point I got used to carrying a particular weight and now that the specific thing is gone the weight is just still there out of habit, with no particular object attached to it anymore. — And that doesn't resolve just because you identify it. — Not even slightly. Understanding it doesn't make it smaller. I can know exactly what it is and it still just sits there, doing its thing, completely indifferent to my analysis of it. — So what do you do with it. — Nothing, mostly. I've stopped trying to locate what it's attached to. I just let it exist alongside everything else. It's been here long enough that it doesn't feel like an intruder anymore. Just something that lives in me, nameless, taking up its quiet amount of space. — Does it bother you, not knowing. — Less than it used to. I think I finally accepted that some feelings don't come with a label and don't need one. This one has just been with me for so long that at this point it's almost company. #щп #щитпост

werni🪽

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Friday 10 July 2026 17:53:15 GMT