@catieosaurus: It can feel super helpful to offer solutions and suggestions, and your absolutely not a bad partner or bad person if that's your default. It's honestly mine too. But part of being a good partner is learning to navigate your partner's needs, even when that means shutting the hell up and letting them just sit in an emotion and helping them process through a big feeling. It can feel weird or strange at first,but giving your partner the confidence that you can show up for them in the way they need is super important for a long lasting and healthy relationship. #audhdwomen #adhdcommunity #adhdrelationships #autistic #relationships

AellaBrenna Designs :

I am a fixer (autistic, cPTSD, ptsd), I have had to actively learn to ASK what people need from me, vent? hugs? support without ideas? or plan a solution? and remind myself that giving what they need IS FIXING

shannonparks112 :

Wow I really needed this post right now. Thank you for reminding me that I need to let my partner know I don’t want him to offer solutions to my problem, but rather just to listen and empathize

Jax :

Me (ADHD) and my partner (ASD) have a "Do you need to be Helped, Heard or Held?" policy. 100% recommend.

Paul 🇪🇺 :

The question " Do you need help, or do you just need to vent?" is one that can save a lot of people, even us nero-bland types, a lot of frustration. Especially us male leaning types.

Mae :

I feel like i end up on both sides of this'll the time... the trouble is that when someone else tries to offer solutions or fix it for me instead of letting me do it or collaborating with me it just makes it all so much worse

OffKilterVT :

I have to ask if we're venting or trying to problem solve because my automatic response is problem solving. I sometimes get it right first and sometimes blurt out a solution and then say sorry, are we venting or fixing.

kellyroy175 :

I have started to learn to ask "what do you need right now?"

Elizabeth :

I had to clarify with my husband.... I'm bringing this to you after of hours of over thinking. I need your input on perspective. (how will someone else perceive it- because I may be in a reactive state)

Judi G :

I either try to problem solve or I try to share something "similar" which seems like I'm trying to take over the conversation

A person on Earth :

I literally never thought of my chronic problem solving (for myself) in that way!!

hammerhead :

I’ve always asked partners “do you want a fix, comfort or space” some partners want to be left alone, some want a hug and to vent and some do actually want a solution as they don’t know how to get out of it

Erin 🇨🇦 :

I ask "do you need a sword or a shield" 😁 yes, I'm a geek and so are my friends.

ರ_ರ :

yeah we started asking each other "do you need comfort? or do you want solutions? it's been working for many years now 🙏

VerseMessiah :

They way I’m sitting here with an extreme case of “sorry I just missed this” self rage and not knowing I were in Denver at TWO of my favorite places. Like three days ago. I’m so mad lol.

jpaulamaki :

My partner's husband started to ask my partner whether she needs listening for a rant or a solution. I picked up on the same, although usually I can tell which it is. Yes, we all are neurodivergent.

Mhawke7894 :

The fruit snacks are different… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Kat :

I realized this about myself a longgggg time ago, at least a decade before learning I was neurodivergent - and I say ND because I’m still learning all the commodities I have. But back to the subject I’ve learned to start the conversation with “I just need to rant”, “I need help/guidance or reassurance, if it’s warranted” or “I don’t know what I want”

Crystal Steers :

I am the AuDHD partner and I always just ask “ are we listening today or are we help”. So I know what approach to take

JRLink13 :

It seems silly at first but it's so helpful in making sure you are both on the same page

MRS Goose Swart :

MRS Goose Swart :

Rexy! Yes! I'm That Bitch! :

Tell me you have a french translation of your book. I'm begging you!

Arutha19 :

I try to sit quietly but I feel it building up inside me until I feel like I’m gonna burst. It gets to the point I can’t listen anymore sometimes and I don’t know what to do with all that energy I feel. I don’t even know what ‘it’ is I’m feeling

Phiwa | The Long View :

Lol… Why is this so true