The Pottymouth Guru
Region: CA
Sunday 12 July 2026 17:39:27 GMT
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Audrey :
this perfectly describes why my marriage ended. he had absolutely zero psychological curiosity about me and everything I expressed or experienced became about him or filtered through his experience. he was so so SO defensive and could not, even for a moment, see where I was coming from. my emotions were framed as me attacking his character
2026-07-14 10:26:45
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user184420 :
This is actually insane
2026-07-14 03:33:01
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nada1990 :
Yeah - it’s narcissism. Narcissism IS immaturity. Children start out highly narcissistic because they need to be: They’re totally helpless & need constant attention and care without giving back. We grow out of that as we mature by learning empathy, responsibility, accountability, the ability to think from another perspective... They keep trying to give this sh*t a new name & say that ‘narcissists are really rare.’ Yes, true-narcissists are rare, but vulnerable-narcissists/avoidants/emotionally-immature or unavailable people are common.
2026-07-15 17:14:37
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Gremlin :
I didn’t even notice I did this. I also believe it has to deal with not being heard or prioritized when younger or in life so I just auto try to think about myself. Or I use it to reference to show I understand. I also don’t k own if it’s my audhd. But I would love not to be that way. Because I also ask a lot
2026-07-13 16:06:36
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Thin Air :
This hits the nail on the hammer. It has been bothering me that doing all this me, me, me work would take away from my care for others. I couldn't articulate it well, because it's not selfish, I'm not a selfish person, I don't think this would make me selfish but it does make me more "self-centered"? Still can't quite articulate it haha But now that I know it's about entering their internal world once in a while (once regulated), I feel a little better. I can hold onto that knowing it's the important part I don't want to lose. Thank you :)
2026-07-14 20:18:15
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crone.era :
Great explanation. I’m seeing this in my relationship, and it helps to explain why it still feels so lonely even though my partner is getting better at validating and not getting so defensive. It feels like he is trying tactics to be a better partner but rarely shows curiosity about my inner world.
2026-07-12 17:58:46
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jzflowerz :
Me, my parents, friends, jobs, family, relationships. Very relatable. You kinda described the emotional footprint in the movie plot of "Everything Everywhere All At Once " Watched it for the 2nd time couple weeks ago. Immediately jumped into my head as you spoke.
2026-07-12 21:47:05
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The Pottymouth Guru :
Sometimes emotional loneliness isn't about a lack of love. It's about feeling like your inner world rarely becomes a place your partner slows down long enough to truly know. ❤️🤟🏻🌿
2026-07-12 17:40:01
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Phi :
I'm so curious about my partners inner world but I'm missing the language to express that, which then causes me to go to myself as a reference point which then starts this cycle. I wish I could just say it right immediately.
2026-07-14 19:28:03
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aizlynn.herself :
Bless you. My husband saw this. And gave me a very sincere apology for the first time in 8 years
2026-07-14 00:55:36
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Jellybean :
I think it's very difficult to figure out how to navigate those who are oriented towards themselves based on childhood neglect and a need to feel heard, especially if you yourself also have a deep seeded need to be understood and cared for. I'm curious is dynamics like these which I'm p sure is common have a solution or if it's sorta just doomed from the start
2026-07-12 18:10:16
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CeciRuzena :
Wow! Mind blown!! This is the first time I’ve heard of this concept and it helps me understand me ex SO much! Because I never felt his intentions were bad, yet he still treated me so poorly and I just couldn’t understand how that was the case. I’m so grateful for your explanation. I often say “intention versus impact” but this breaks it down so much more. I also noticed the lack of questions about me when I first met his family and it really bothered me but he couldn’t understand why. No one seemed to care about me, my world, who I am, etc. which I thought was wild considering I was in a serious relationship with their son/brother. And yes, it was the MOST lonely relationship I’ve ever experienced.
2026-07-14 11:36:38
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A-Nautilus_Materials :
lol we need to better understand ourselves so we don't always have to reference our own selves and become more empathetic. once we understand ourselves, we can learn about others better.
2026-07-14 12:40:12
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Lee :
I wrote the tiniest piece of flash fiction romance a couple of days ago. "You hold my heart; I hold your mind. You hold my mind; I hold your heart."
2026-07-14 06:49:25
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Intense&ABitTooMuch :
On the topic of people who tend to be self-referential without defensiveness, how does neurodivergence fit in here? It’s common for people on the spectrum or with ADHD to be accused of making things about them, but oftentimes they’re noticing patterns, themes, and similarities. And they might go on to use an example referencing themselves as a way to show the other person they understand what’s been said. I guess the real clincher is where the conversation goes next. Does the conversation stay with the self-referential example or with the original person’s experience…would love to hear your thoughts on the neurodivergent aspect of this 😊
2026-07-13 15:55:34
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BoobyGrow :
The word attunement is a really powerful way of recognizing the misalignment woooo… and everything you shared is so insightful 🙏
2026-07-12 19:49:20
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RSP :
This is me. How do I shift out of making myself the center IN THE MOMENT? I started to identify my defensiveness, but it’s always AFTER the fact
2026-07-12 18:12:11
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☆Ashhh☆ :
omg yes I felt everything u said. Especially about the lack of "curiosity". Its exhausting + lonely not having people/partner that care or have the capacity to step into my world. Where im the complete opposite i understand how important that is in a relationship. I feel the resentment growing and i hate tht. I'm learning to work through it.
2026-07-13 02:43:49
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rileytorres30 :
I feel like I can share my inner world with my partner, but only when they’re in the mood to listen. It’s created a big disconnect and has me questioning if I’m asking for too much
2026-07-13 06:28:00
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Leanne :
This puts into words exact how I’ve been feeling, I hate that during a disagreement I have to hold space for them, myself and explain to them what’s happening for me and while triggered it is an exceptionally hard and lonely experience on it’s own.
2026-07-14 04:19:06
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Jessica Pallitto :
very lonely place. this has engraved my heart and brain with the belief that im Unloved, uninteresting, used, neglected and not cared about. I didn't realize there was a word for this chronic behavior.
2026-07-14 01:08:54
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RainV :
Yep
2026-07-13 14:52:24
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MMM :
So what is the starting point? ♥️
2026-07-12 23:40:59
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KaylaV :
Ohh. This is very interesting. And I definitely am guilty of this. I think he is too. Which, is also interesting.
2026-07-14 02:18:03
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Shenanniglenns with Sarah :
this explains so much about why I've felt so unknown by people I've been in relationships with. Thank you for this explanation
2026-07-14 02:43:06
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