Colt :
I never had anyone like that, so I wanted to be that for someone else. Even if it was menial or something I didn't understand, I'd try to. I'd try to give them the answers I thought they needed, and truly sought out instead of just saying yes and nodding along with everything. I liked to ask them question, put seeds of thought in their head and see them potentially grow from it. Even though most men want their sons to surpass them, I feel close to that level of want for the people like this I do come across. It's probably just a savior complex or something, but I've always been like this. Because I used to have nothing, and nobody backing me up. I knew what it was like to be invisible despite taking up SO much space. I've been the black sheep in the family, the alcoholic in response to loss, the zomboid, medicated out kid that it was easier to throw 15+ medications at than to actually sit down, and address like a real human being. I'm fucked up, admittedly. But when I see other people going through stuff, I just remember how quickly it all spiralled out of control for me. How fast I watched all of it blip, and how scary that was to me. I don't walk around with the energy of the sun, or like this. Usually I'm closed off and distant. It's a side of me I rarely get to show, but it's still there somewhere.
2026-08-28 13:48:49