@beccasday: Someone secure often doesn’t love with urgency. They aren’t glued to their phone waiting for your message. They don’t need to tell you twelve times a day that they love you, because in their mind, they know they love you and they trust that you know it too. They can go about their day, spend time apart from you, be busy, have their own life and still feel completely secure in the relationship. But when you have an anxious attachment, that calmness can feel a lot like disinterest. You might think, Why don’t they need to speak to me as much as I need to speak to them? Why aren’t they checking in? Why don’t they miss me more? Why aren’t they reassuring me without me having to ask? And suddenly, the person who feels safe and secure in the relationship can start to feel like the villain simply because they aren’t constantly filling the reassurance void inside you. The difficult truth is that no partner can permanently fill that void. They can tell you they love you at 9am, and if your safety depends entirely on external reassurance, by 11am you’ll need to hear it again. Not because their love disappeared, but because the reassurance wore off. This is why healing anxious attachment isn’t about finding someone who will reassure you enough. It’s about learning that love doesn’t have to be urgent to be real. That calm doesn’t mean disinterest. That space doesn’t mean abandonment. And that someone can be happily getting on with their day without you being at the front of their mind every second, while still loving you deeply. Sometimes the right person will feel like the villain to your anxious attachment because they won’t participate in the constant cycle of fear, reassurance, temporary relief and fear again. And that might be exactly what finally gives you the opportunity to heal it. #anxiousattachment #relationshipanxiety #anxiousattachmentstyle #healinganxiousattachment #abandonmentwound

Becksdickinson

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Monday 13 July 2026 18:48:35 GMT