✧ ✮⋆˙ leca.mov ✮⋆˙✧ :
was it casual when you were there for me when I needed someone, but somehow I became the person you could leave behind when things got complicated? Was it casual when I trusted you enough to tell you things I wouldn’t tell everyone else, just for me to find out that the same people I cared about were talking about me when I wasn’t there? Was it casual when you made me feel like I had to choose between people I cared about, like being friends with someone you didn’t like automatically meant I was against you? Was it casual when I kept trying to understand everyone else’s feelings while nobody seemed to stop and wonder how I was feeling? I kept forgiving things because I didn’t want to lose anyone, even when I was already hurting. I kept telling myself that maybe they didn’t mean it, maybe they were just upset, maybe tomorrow would be different, because admitting that someone I loved as a friend could actually hurt me was harder than pretending everything was okay. And the worst part is that I still miss you. I miss the version of our friendship where I didn’t have to wonder if you secretly hated me, where I didn’t have to reread messages trying to figure out what I did wrong, where being your friend didn’t feel like something I had to earn every single day. I wish I could say I don’t care anymore, but I do. I care so much that sometimes I wish I could just turn it off. I wish I could stop wondering if you ever miss me too, or if you talk about me like I was the problem all along. Maybe someday I’ll stop feeling guilty for things that weren’t completely my fault. Maybe someday I’ll understand that losing someone doesn’t automatically mean I wasn’t enough. But right now, I just wish you knew that behind every time I said “it’s okay,” there was a part of me hoping you’d realize it wasn’t. And maybe that’s what hurts most—not that we changed, but that I would’ve done almost anything to keep us from becoming strangers. was it casual when I started considering you one of the most important people in my life, while you could look at me one day and decide I wasn’t worth keeping around? Was it casual when I defended you even when you weren’t there to hear it?
2026-08-14 03:28:03