Opallauryn
Region: US
Wednesday 15 July 2026 13:38:08 GMT
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Pixie Spinz :
yep. made me responsible for HIS emotions.
2026-07-15 15:46:59
251
Lauren | PhD Student :
Thank you for phrasing it this way!
2026-07-17 00:57:21
0
José :
You start watching your tone, your needs, what to say and when to say it. They start making you feel bad about anything you speak up about. They tell you that you're making them anxious, walking on eggshells, and you start questioning yourself. When in reality, you're the one walking on eggshells, anxious and nervous. When I stopped watching myself and just speak up, I suddenly became negative or mean, and hard to deal with. You become responsible for deciphering their emotions or reactions and thats such a hard thing to handle because you're doing the work for both people. 😭😭😭 And at the same time you feel so bad because they deal with a lot.
2026-07-16 03:48:37
36
ren :
He created an issue once, sent me a big long message and I sent something back like “Hey I’m just taking a minute to think about this while I drive home, want to let you know I’m not ignoring you, just thinking.” And he freaked out. Told me: “I just want a night where I’m not worried about my girlfriend leaving me.” It is not my fault you create these anxieties, and then force me to solve them immediately
2026-07-17 01:53:53
2
Max |Overall Oaf| AuDHD 🇨🇦💄 :
Eggshell walking ✅ Regulating THEIR stuff ✅ Ruled by anxiety/confusion ✅ Isolation ✅ Fear ✅
2026-07-15 16:51:54
35
DownwardSpirograph 💙 :
Mine controls me through my anxiety. He triggers it purposefully. Especially when I’m finally getting my shit together and doing really well. He does things that he knows will send me in a spiral and I have to start all over.
2026-07-15 17:11:22
84
Selrod 💜💜 :
It took me years to have the words for this after my last relationship and you explained it perfectly. I felt trapped but not because I was afraid he’d hurt me, I was afraid that anything I did would cause a reaction.
2026-07-15 16:24:42
19
Rachel :
I once asked to spend a couple hours alone on a Friday night, I got about an hour into it before he came into the room having a panic attack about me wanting to be alone for a few hours. I felt like a prisoner and he'd go back to acting normal as soon as he got what he wanted from me. Such weird whiplash
2026-07-15 17:41:19
44
Jackie Vetter - Actor/Director :
This makes me feel bad cause I have horrible anxiety and I don’t want to be a burden to my husband.
2026-07-15 16:19:59
13
Incel® Core™ i9-14900K :
This. Early on, if I addressed something, it was a huge ordeal and it was always an attack on him. He'd start crying and the problem circled back to me comforting him and regulating his emotion as he piledrived my boundaries and left no space for me to open up. Eventually I found myself growing bitter and resentful, so I grew cold and distant, I'd lash out, and called him a crybaby a lot. I was mean. In turn, I only perpetuated the problem by biting my tongue to keep the peace. In reality, we both contributed to the problem. We both set each other off in just the perfect ways. Now I'm learning to actually regulate and control my reactions and emotions, trying to fix a decade of damage I have caused, but it's difficult. Might I recommend: Overweight by Blue October
2026-07-16 14:35:16
6
Bethany :
Ohhh, mine used to do the same but it was always, “I’m just upset because my ex used to do that.” And then he would spiral about some normal human woman thing. I wasn’t allowed to use the word “brunch.” His ex liked brunch.
2026-07-15 17:45:03
7
Rainbow Ro :
I feel this, it’s how it can be dating and anxiously attached person :/
2026-07-16 01:03:25
8
worms🪱🦠 :
Being honest with myself and realizing that I do this. I didn’t even think of my anxiety this way and how it could be impacting my husband this way. Of course it’s not my intention to harm him in any way, but thinking about it now… I do notice little things he does that are similar to how you felt. Thank god I have my first appointment with a new therapist tomorrow. Thank you for this, and glad you’re out of that situation.
2026-07-15 14:26:35
15
Starbounds :
mine did the same.. she’d use my anxiety too
2026-07-16 03:59:28
1
dog piss :
I totally understand this. It feels good to be coddled through anxiety. I find this method of control to be specifically insidious and manipulative. I notice often these are the type of men women stay with that escalate into abuse and then the woman stays and says he's a good man. Because its gradual. They test the waters to see how much emotional burden they can place on you. And then physical burden. They keep pushing and asking for more and when you say or even hint at being tired or unwilling they'll begin sobbing and breaking down like they're having panic attacks and blaming you for you not bending to their will. They may even actually *feel* like they're having a panic attack, but it's likely more from the fear of you leaving and them losing their surrogate mother figure rather than actually being anxious over the situation. Women see this vulnerability and misinterpret it for emotional availability and think they have a good man because he'll share his feelings and cry. But whenever its your turn you are too much, too difficult, or just wrong. They'll DARVO and then use it as another opportunity to garner sympathy for their poor horrible life. And then eventually that anxiety and their want for control over you will begin to escalate as their demands increase to lessen their personal burdens of anything, testing boundaries further and seeing what can be taken. Eventually further control requires further escalation which means active abuse starts. Usually verbally during said anxiety attacks. Then it progresses to physical aggression, and they'll say its an accident or blame it on you because they were anxious because you told them you didn't like that they don't clean up after themselves or something. Women are put in these caretaker and nurturer roles and then expected to upkeep that, and when your man fails its not because he did anything wrong, its because you didnt personally do good enough. its sad
2026-07-16 21:43:11
2
Mer :
Holy fuck. You just described what I'm going through. I shouldn't be surprised that other people have gone through this, but I feel less alone
2026-07-15 18:10:40
5
breakupdiaries :
I really can’t believe how similar our exes are. I’m so sorry you went through this. It’s so sneaky, because it’s so subtle. It happens incrementally overtime and hard for other people to conceptualize what we went through.
2026-07-15 19:33:22
5
h v :
this but it is his defensiveness (which might come from fear or anxiety). he has to learn emotional regulation or I can't stay
2026-07-15 16:39:19
6
✨Luna Lavender✨ :
My ex did this too. It was his most frequently used tactic, and they still struggle with knowing what I want to do with my time and my days off or whatever. It’s such a weird feeling.
2026-07-15 15:15:58
27
Lilly :
I would express my feelings and he would just shut down or tell me that it wasn’t his problem
2026-07-15 16:40:06
5
C :
Ope
2026-07-16 02:39:25
1
Persephone :
omg mine too! He used his anxiety to control me, because obviously I was the only one who could regulate it, and obviously the only way to regulate it was by stopping doing the thing that made him anxious. I actually tried to push back against this earlier in the relationship because I didn't think it was healthy but then his enabler friends convinced me I was the unreasonable one and that I just didn't care if I was unwilling to do such a small thing to ease his anxiety. except it wasn't one small thing here and there, it was damn near everything. His "anxiety" (if he even had it at all) controlled MY entire life
2026-07-16 01:33:57
4
░m░a░t░t░e • Friend :
mine too
2026-07-15 20:51:17
1
Vella :
I had an ex like this. I asked him directly how I could bring up things in a way that he could hear me. He told me that there was no way to do that.
2026-07-15 21:09:36
4
Emily | Eating and Roaming :
More so than in my romantic relationships, I had this issue in the extremely toxic, codependent, boundary-crossing relationship with my former boss. Sometimes I went multiple years without taking a single day off because whenever I tried to take even a day he would spiral and start calling and texting constantly. Not because there was any actual emergency but because he felt anxious that I wasn’t there. I counted and one day I tried to take off, he literally texted me 37 times before 11 am. Another time I took off just a couple hours early to attend to a family matter (with prior approval!) and I found out later that he ranted to several other team members about how I selfishly abandoned him. I finally broke free a couple years ago and we haven’t spoken since. And I now work for a much more compassionate, respectful boss and employer.
2026-07-16 12:28:48
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